Page 79 of Ruthless with a Rogue
How had this happened?
It didn’t make any sense.It wasn’t as though there was anything special about Miss Forester.Urgh, there was that laughter again.
And on top of all of this…madness…he’d done something truly insane.He’d offered to escort her.He banged his forehead against his palms.Could he be any more of an imbecile?What was he going to do atAlmack’s,of all places?One didn’t sneak off for a tryst at Almack’s.One looked for a bloody wife at Almack’s.Christ.
He’d just…escort her there and then leave.Yes.That was sensible.Unload her on Dorothea and make himself scarce.Go to his clubs.Nothing cowardly about that.
“Is this the part where you act a fool and attempt to drive away the woman who’s perfect for you?”
Derek’s brows slammed together, and he shot a glare at Dorothea.Why did the woman have to be so bloody perceptive?She saw everything, even things that couldn’t be seen.Like the thoughts in his head.It was extremely vexing.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She snorted delicately before taking another sip of tea.
“Fine.You do know.But I haven’t made my decision yet.I’m still deliberating.”
She blinked at him.“You are…deliberating?If you will…push her away or accept you have feelings for her?”
He snapped his fingers and pointed at Dorothea.“Yes, that.”
Derek thought he might have heard her mutter,“Heaven help me.”
But the decision didn’t really even matter, did it?Even if he decided he couldperhapsadmit hepossiblyhad something thatfaintlyresembled feelings, it wasn’t as though he could act on them.Not unless Rafe returned from Ironcrest with miraculous news that he somehow could still fund the foundling home.
Derek and Rupert had found a few individuals willing to bestow funds toward the cause.They’d revisited investments and were able to scrounge up some extra income, some places to cut expenses.But it wasn’t enough.It was roughly fifteen thousand bloody pounds short.
They’d searched for another benefactor who would join them in equal measure, but it was rare to find someone willing to dole out the kind of financial support he, Rupert, and Rafe provided every year.Once the new home was running, it would require multiple thousands of pounds per annum to support their foundlings.And their staff—individuals who relied on the home for safety and security just as much as the children did.
So, he wasn’t just warring with himself and scared fucking shiteless.Even if he remembered where he’d placed his ballocks, he couldn’t have her.She couldn’t be his.
Mine.
He growled into his hands, his fingers sinking into his face and squeezing.
“Well, that is quite the unattractive picture.You look positively deranged.”
“I feel deranged,” he muttered.
“Is it the whores?”
Derek’s head snapped up at the same time his jaw dropped to the floor.“I beg your finest pardon?”
“Is it because you’ll miss your whores”—she waved her hand vaguely—“and all the cuckolding?”
All those dinners where he and Rafe attempted to shock Dorothea?Derek thought their antics might have turned against them.But even more shocking was—the answer to that question was an emphaticno.Hell.He was in so much fucking trouble.Thinking about another woman, about his usual wenches… His stomach turned over, and he grimaced.No.He made a vehement noise in the negative.Absolutely not.No other women.
“Well, that’s fascinating.”Dorothea cocked her head and studied him.“It’s not the monogamy.”
Derek’s head reared back.Monogamy.His eyes widened.That’s what that was, wasn’t it?No other women.That was monogamy.His pulse spiked.
Oh God, oh God, oh God.
Dorothea chuckled.He glared at her.This was not funny.He was…in the middle of a crisis.Something very odd was happening in his chest.He probably needed a physician, not her amusement.Did he have a fever?Perhaps he’d contracted the flux.He pulled at his shirt, which had started to stick to his skin.Hell, he was overheating.
He was having enough trouble coming to terms with all of this.He hadn’t realized what it truly meant.Yes, the thought of Livy being his fed some deep primal part of him.But fucking hell.It meant marriage.Monogamy.Family… Children?His throat closed over.
“So, you are contemplating monogamy, a realization it appears you’re having right before my very eyes.What is the cause for the panic if you won’t miss your carousing?”
