Page 80 of Ruthless with a Rogue
Derek’s gaze darted to the side.What if he finally admitted it—finally accepted it—only to find out she didn’t want him?He tried to swallow, but his past had too tight a grip on his throat.He wasn’t the person people chose.He was one night.Fleeting.
She’d had her one night.Now, it was time for her victory march—one that led away from Derek and directly to a different gentleman.Was he really so foolish to think she’d choose him over five years of history with someone else?Someone who wasn’t an arrogant bastard, who wasn’t crippled by his own mind?Who wasn’t broken?
And did it even matter?If she did choose Derek, it would still be temporary.They all left eventually.What if she abandoned him and their children just as his mother had?What if she cuckolded him?Oh God.Wouldn’t that just be a lovely perverse turn of events?Why hullo there, Derek, enjoy a sip of what you’ve been serving.
“Breathe, Derek.You’re letting your mind get the best of you.”
Well, that was nothing new.His unsteady exhale filled the chamber.He closed his eyes, willing himself to cling to reason.Livy knew exactly how it felt to be abandoned by a parent.She was just as much a victim of that as he was.And she wouldn’t do that herself.She wouldn’t stray.He knew her.He knewher.She was the type of woman who snuck out in the middle of the night just to ensure the rogue bent on seducing her was well.Which was a daft thing to do.The brilliantly clever fool.Perhaps she was daft enough to want him.
He groaned.His hands were sticky.Were his palms sweating?Yes.Yes, they were.He wiped them on his breeches.He met Dorothea’s gaze again, pleaded with her to understand without him having to say anything.He couldn’t voice it.Voice how terrified he was of being hurt again.Of being vulnerable.Of giving anyone—even Livy—that power over him.
Dorothea’s features sagged, and her eyes turned sad.“Oh, Roderick,” she said softly, knowingly.“It’s always a risk, dear.”
He swallowed hard.He wasn’t certain whether he was ready to take that risk.“Yes, well.It doesn’t matter anyhow.I’ve got myself all out of sorts for no reason.Now that Rafe can no longer fund the foundling home—and Rutledge and I have been thwarted in all our attempts to raise the necessary funds—it appears my only option is to accept Lord Wentworth’s offer if we want this to get underway with any expediency.We need to break ground soon.The closer we get to winter, the more risk this gets delayed a year or more.So, it won’t be Miss Forester I’m marrying.”
Dorothea’s slim silver brows pinched.“What are you speaking of?Raffy is no longer funding the new home?”
Fucking Christ.
Dorothea’s gaze sharpened.She must have seen something in his face.Most likely all the guilt.“Roderick.Explain yourself.”
His eyes sank closed.Rafe was going to murder him.Rafe hadn’t wanted his grandmother to know about the financial troubles.At least not until he knew for certain it was something worth worrying over.“Well… You see…”
“Out with it, boy.”
Derek cleared his throat and tugged at his cravat.“Apparently, the fires at Ironcrest…the reason why he needed to travel there… There was extensive damage.He may have mentioned the word destitute?”
Dorothea’s jaw dropped open, and Derek winced.Yes.Rafe was going to murder him when he returned.
“But he doesn’t know for certain,” he hurried to add.“And he’d said, by a duke’s standards!So, it is not as though you’ll be paupers.And even so, you can always live with me.”
“I cannot believe this,” Dorothea said faintly.Her hand came to her chest.“And we just visited Bond Street!Why didn’t you say something?Dear heavens.Can we even afford that?”
“I’m sure you can.”Derek was sure of no such thing.But even if they couldn’t, Derek could.“Rafe didn’t want you to worry.He won’t know how bad it is until he investigates the damage and sorts through it with his steward.But regardless, he can ill afford to part with twenty thousand pounds to build a foundling home any longer.You have other income; investments I have advised Rafe on.I’m sure that will keep you both comfortable while you weather this setback.”
“I cannot believe this,” she murmured again.
Derek couldn’t either.The unthinkable had occurred: he’d found the woman worth risking his heart for.If he could just gather up the courage.
Yet he couldn’t have her.
40
Livy
AsmallsmiletouchedLivy’s lips as she watched Franny and Phi leap from one topic to the next at a dizzying pace.Livy sat on the settee in the Rutledges’ drawing room, softly brushing the velvet brown fur of Rapscallion’s head, which was currently resting in her lap.
They were enjoying a tea-service, granting Phi a much-needed reprieve from the solitude of mourning—and with luck, the beginnings of a plan for raising funds for a certain foundling home, a subject Livy was hoping to broach soon.
Perhaps it was a foolish notion, but she had a feeling these two women were a force to be reckoned with.
Franny leaned against an escritoire in her townhome’s drawing room, arms moving animatedly, gossip column in hand.Phi sat across from Livy on a twin pin-striped settee, matching Franny’s movements with equally lively expressions.
Livy had noticed Franny could never seem to sit still.She liked that about the woman.Perhaps because it marked her as different—women were supposed to be composed, restrained.Franny was neither.And she wore it proudly.She didn’t seem to care in the least what others said about her.It gave Livy courage, even if she knew her reality was different.A marchioness could afford to be bold.A poor, dowry-less baron’s daughter had to be more…calculating.
But at that moment, the ever-moving Franny went completely still, her attention locked on the newspaper in front of her.Livy stilled too, like the woman’s lack of movement froze the entire room.
“Franny?”Phi prodded.“What’s wrong?”
