Page 64 of Ruthless with a Rogue
“Have you…made any new acquaintances while here in London?”he asked, his voice carefully neutral.
She blinked.That almost seemed as if he was…prying.
“As a matter of fact, I have.I attended a lovely dinner party hosted by Lady Rutledge.”She indicated with her opera glasses to where Franny stood conversing animatedly with Aunt Mellie.“It was a splendid time.”For a short while.
She shivered, and her fingers tightened around the stem of her champagne glass.Distract.Focus on the positives of that night.“Speaking with renowned figures in mathematics and the sciences was utterly fascinating.”
He chuckled.“I’m sure it felt like listening to a foreign language for you.But it’s unbelievably charming that you still enjoyed the conversation.I am sure they appreciated your beautiful smile.”
Her chin jerked back slightly, and she stared at him, speechless.How unbelievably patronizing.It wasn’t the first time he’d made a comment like that.She shouldn’t be surprised and didn’t know why she was.She knew he hadn’t any idea she had a brain.She’d made sure of it.Becausethiswas what he believed.Something cold and sad settled in her stomach.
“It wasn’t,” she said quietly.
His brows pinched.“Pardon?”
She held his gaze.She was so tired of pretending.And she’d met so many people here who liked that side of her.London had been all about taking risks.What was one more?“It wasn’t like listening to a foreign language.”
His mouth opened, but no words surfaced, and his frown deepened.
“I’ve always had an aptitude for mathematics.Ienjoyit.Is it really that surprising?Given who my father is…”
He stared at her like he was seeing her for the first time.“But you’ve never shown any inkling… We’ve known each other for five years.And never…”
She glanced at the floor, rolling her lips together.No, he wouldn’t have.She’d learned early on the views he’d held.“As your earlier comment made painfully clear, I learned quickly your opinion of women with intelligence.So, I hid it.”She met his gaze.“I wanted to be the woman you wanted.”
“I…” He shook his head slowly, mouth opening and closing.He glanced away, his forehead etched with lines.
“It looks like intermission is just about at its end,” Livy said softly.
They both glanced to where the curtain was being drawn back.“We should return to our own boxes—or seats,” he said awkwardly and dipped a quick bow.
Livy frowned at his retreating figure, words on the tip of her tongue to correct him.She snapped her mouth shut and almost dropped her opera glasses as realization dawned.He didn’t just think she wouldn’t be invited to attend the theater in the Duke of Ironcrest’s box… He didn’t think she would have been invited toanyone’sbox.
She took a sip of her champagne and grimaced.The bubbly liquid had gone flat.Flat.Now that was a word that resonated with her.
34
Derek
“Wherehaveyoubeen?”the dowager hissed at Derek as he sidled into the Ironcrest box.
“Does it matter?I’m here now, as promised.”
“Only because I summoned you!”
Shaking his head, he grinned.How the dowager managed to yell in a whisper he would never know.“I was otherwise occupied,” he drawled.
Her nostrils flared, and her mouth pressed into a thin line.She closed her eyes, speaking silently to herself.He frowned.Was she praying?
She opened her eyes and pierced him with her gaze.“I saw you and theguestsyou were with.I realize my place in your hierarchy of priorities.”She looked him up and down.“You look terrible.”
Well, that wasn’t fair.He’d had a hell of a week and was merely trying to cope.He’d just killed a man, for God’s sake!The dull aftereffects of that night were long gone.Visions of Pennington’s bloodied form and Livy’s ghostlike state haunted him in equal measure.He was happy the wretch was dead.Fucking thrilled.But he hadn’t been prepared for the way taking a life would affect him.
It wasn’t as though he was a stranger to violence—he barely held back the maniacal laugh rising in his chest.No, he knew violence all too well.He was intimately acquainted with fists, with a boot.And he might not dabble in it as much now, but as a youth, as a young man?He and Rafe had had so much rage, so much hatred inside them begging for an outlet.He hadn’t had control over it like he did now.He and Rafe made others wary for a reason.It may have been a long while since he’d gotten into a public brawl, but the ton hadn’t forgotten.It had just never gone as far as murder before.
And the nightmares.The bloody nightmares.He woke up in the middle of the night, drenched with sweat, having the same nightmare over and over again—that Livy hadn’t been reached in time.Derek couldn’t get it out of his head.He had given up on sleeping unless he was so drunk everything went black.Something heneverdid.He had visitedThe Devil’s Eyeand gambled recklessly—well, somewhat recklessly; he’d still set limits for himself.It was too painful to be fiscally irresponsible.Some habits were slow to die.He was throwing out all his bloody rules to try to cope.
He had even gone to a room with a wench.And immediately left.Leaving the woman quite put out.The only friend he could have talked to was away—he couldn’t possibly tell Rupert he’d killed a man.Rupert would piss himself.He’d briefly thought of visiting Ryker…but the man would’ve laughed in his face.The man had probably killed so many people that Pennington was a drop in the bucket.Not that Derek wanted to getvulnerablewith Ryker.
