Page 118 of Fortunate Misfortune
Three words was all it took to send me running. Out of the store. To the car. Up the driveway. Through Kenneth’s front door. I feel along the wall until my finger finds a light switch, slamming my palm against it before racing down the hall.
When I make it to his bedroom, the moon illuminates his hunched shoulders, resting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. Everything feels dull, as if the usual energy of the room has been sucked out, replaced with what feels like dejection.
“Kenneth?” I whisper, struggling to catch my breath.
Bloodshot eyes meet mine. “Ed. Hi. Is Shay alright? I’m sorry—”
“There’s nothing to apologize for.”
I leave out the fact that my best friend was equally worried when I hung up and asked her to leave. In true Shay fashion, she was ready to go the moment I asked, abandoning our cart and running out of the store beside me.
Pushing the wheeled desk chair, I move to sit in front of him and let our knees touch. “What’s going on?”
The deep exhale he lets out tells me all I need to know. This is the end of us.
It’s ironic that only a few minutes ago I identified my feelings as love, and now I’m going to lose the person responsible for it on the very same day.
Since that text from his dad, Kenneth has been different. Not distant, but distracted. Constantly scrolling through websites on his phone. Scheduling meetings after class. Every time I questioned him, he’d kissme and promise an explanation was coming soon. That there was something he needed to take care of first.
“Are you breaking up with me?”
“No!” He grabs my hands and holds them tight. “God, no, Eddie. Losing you is the last thing I want.” His finger pauses its stroll across my wrist as he looks at me, a crease forming between his brows. “I never thought you and I would be here right now. Like this. I thought you were going to laugh in my face when I brought up the idea of being more than people who played the Brain Bowl, but it’s evolved into so much more. If I had known, I would have told you immediately, I swear. I just wanted to make sure we were okay before everything changed.”
My shoulders tense as I blurt, “Told me what? Why would things change between us?”
“It’s… I don’t know. I wanted to fix it all on my own. This semester was important for a lot of reasons, and telling you that the Brain Bowl could be ending early would’ve ruined things. I didn’t want to upset you, and I didn’t want you to know that I’m a coward who can’t even stand up for myself.”
I’m so confused that I lose my ability to form sentences. A coward?
“I’m sorry, Ed,” he continues, and I hate the sound of guilt straining his voice. “There’s an internship for Gray Construction this summer. I tried to find a way out of it, but my father isn’t budging. This internship is only the beginning though. It’ll change everything. My career plans. My goals.”
There it is. An explanation for the text from his dad.
Summer internship.
What’s worse is that for some unknown reason, he’s more worried about disappointing me by having to end the Brain Bowl, rather than the reality that everything he’s worked hard for is being ripped away.
Gut-wrenching fear transforms into something I can’t accurately describe without wanting to scream at his father. It twists and churns nauseatingly until I finally have to break the silence and tell him the truth. Something I realized long ago, but haven’t admitted out loud.
“I…” I swallow hard. “I don’t care about the Brain Bowl.”
His head pops up, saddened eyes full of worry. “What?”
I’m not surprised by his shock. We’ve spent years putting so much time and energy into this game. Fighting to win. Dreading the losses. Making it our sole mission to beat the other. And while competing with Kenneth is important to our history, what matters more than anything is our future.
“I don’t care about the Brain Bowl,” I repeat. “Even if it has to end earlier than planned, I’m okay with that. I care aboutyou, Gray. Being with you. If the game went away right now, forever, I’d be perfectly content because I’m completely and whole-heartedly yours.”
I take a seat on the bed, pressing our thighs together. His head falls heavily onto my shoulder, and a noticeable shift in the air is felt as he lets out a shaky exhale.
“I don’t deserve you,” he breathes.
I push my hand through his hair, calmed by the soft strands. “You’re right. You deserve so much more. Now, tell me what’s going on.”
With a kiss to my shoulder, he explains. “If I pursue MS research, I’ll essentially be cut off by my family, which means I’d have very little time for the game. I would have to work to make sure I can afford senior year, my PhD aspirations, and life on my own.” Kenneth fiddles with a frayed string on my pants. “And if I go with my dad, I’ll be back in Bryan almost every day preparing for my job as one of the suits for Gray Construction.”
My mouth gapes. “So, it’s your dream or your dad… That means—”
“It would all be over. Every thingI’ve worked so hard for.”
