Page 125 of Fortunate Misfortune
But these aren’t tears of anger, disappointment, or even sadness.
Tears of bliss stream down my cheeks, each drop a testament of my overwhelming happiness for Kenneth. Against all odds, he did it. He’s proven not only to his dad, but to everyone that he’s on the right path. Now he has the much-deserved opportunity of a lifetime to work with a mentor that could launch his career. This is truly the cherry on top of his whirlwind semester.
“Congrats, Gray,” I whisper. “You did it, baby. The internship, and you won junior year. 12-13.”
“Ed…” Kenneth’s voice cracks, holding my rejection letter in a vice. It’s not pity he’s looking at me with, which makes me love him even more. Every emotion I assumed I would feel is evident on his face: fear, sadness, shock, and hurt.
All for me.
Yet none of those are what I feel. They’re all shoved aside as I look at him. Nothing but pride is felt as my fingers twitch impatiently, desperate to slip into his hair and hold him close while we celebrate his win.
As if snapping out of shock, Kenneth stumbles forward and throws his arms around me, effectively trapping my arms against my sides. I giggle, freeing my arms and snaking them around his neck.
“I hate this,” he says, voice thick with emotion. “This doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel like a win.”
“Don’t say that,” I beg. “We should be celebrating right now. Screaming from the mountain tops and swinging from the vines in the trees. Cedar trees don’t have vines, but we can make do. You deserve to be happy.”
“I am happy,” he breathes, “but at the same time, I’m not.”
“Talk to me,” I urge him, sinking my hands into his hair. “Tell me what’s going on in your head.”
“Of course I’m thankful. I’d be selfish not to be, but I’m not okay with this decision. What about your dedication and hard work? Your application was perfect, and the judges are insane to have missed that!”
“But none of that means you deserve it any less. Do you know who else’s application was perfect?” I kiss his nose. “Yours. Do you know who else works hard and is incredibly dedicated?” I kiss his lips. “You, Kenneth. I read your application. Hell, I recommended you for this internship because that’s how much faith I have in you as a person. It’s almost infuriating that on top of being brilliant, you have the kindest heart of anybody I know. You deserve this, baby.”
Red tufts flop as he shakes my words away. “What about you? They’re going to put you on probation and change your graduation date. You’ve got plans that will all be put on hold. Why are you so okaywith this?”
I pause. Realization hits me that Iamokay with this. I know I told myself that I’d be okay no matter what, but now that we’re here, standing on the dock and discussing how my future is no longer going to plan, all I can do is smile at him.
“Don’t get me wrong. I am sad, but I’m able to have all those emotions and still be ecstatic for you. I’m okay because I bet on me,” I say simply, and my dad’s words ring loudly in my head.
“Always bet on yourself, baby girl. There’s nobody you should trust more than yourself.”
“I’ve always been the person who takes care of everything and everyone, but I never trusted myselfwithmyself. Doubting everything I did, said, ate, and drank, but that all changed this semester. I knew the risks from the beginning. Going up against you has never been easy, and I didn’t expect it to be easy this time. Honestly, even if I knew this is how it would turn out, I still don’t think I would change a thing. I prefer this over doubting myself ever again.”
Kenneth tilts his head to the side, his lips lifting slightly at the corners for the first time since we opened the envelopes. “Who are you and what have you done with my Eddie?”
“I know. I’ve grown so much over the past few months,” I chirp, wiping invisible dust off my shoulder.
Kenneth laughs, dragging his hands up my back and into my hair, massaging the thoughts swirling around in my head. They’re heavy and conflicted. Happy and sad. Worried and calm. But when I open my eyes and see him, the heaviness vanishes. The only thing I feel is something I can’t hold back anymore.
“I love you.”
Kenneth freezes. “What did you say?”
I drag my finger over the freckles on his cheek that I would like to spend forever counting. “I used to hate when you called me Eddie, Ed,or Edwards, but now I don’t care what nickname you choose, as long as you call me yours. And this probably seems like an ill-timed confession, but I don’t care because it’s the truth. I don’t care if it’s too soon or too sudden. I don’t care about any of that. Because not only do I love you, I’m completelyinlove with you, Kenneth. Now please say something more than a question because I’m terrified that you don’t feel the sa—”
He kisses me to shut me up. Or because he just couldn’t wait anymore. Either way, I smile, because if I didn’t know already, he says the words out loud for me to hear.
“I love you. From the moment I met you, I knew I was meant to love you, Mallory.”
I roll my eyes, unable to stop the smile that takes over my face. “Don’t exaggerate or I really won’t believe you.”
His chest rumbles against mine when he laughs. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. You hadn’t even said your name, and I knew you were going to change everything. To be honest, you scared me.”
My smile falls, and my voice drops to a whisper. “Scared you? Why?”
He tilts my chin up, making me meet his eye. “It’s terrifying to meet someone and know that you’ll never be the same. I had no expectations when I came to CLU, and then I met you. After that day, I looked for you everywhere. Every party, study session, and athlete dinner. I gravitated toward certain places because I was sure you’d be there, even if we didn’t cross paths. In that short moment on the stairs, I knew I’d be willing to let you break my heart if it meant getting a little bit of time to be yours.”
