Page 60 of The Wolf and the Wildflower
“Another theory to explore. Can senses honed by brutal experience dull after years of a tamer existence?”
They smiled at that, and the tension he’d not realized had invaded his chest eased. Being with her felt…easy.
“My father is not a part of my disguise.”
Words momentarily eluded him. “You have been pretending to be a man your whole life, and your father is unaware of it?”
“Yes.”
“Accept my compliments. I believed it to be a deception by both of you so that you could freely study.”
A tremulous smile curved her lips. “It was a deception by my mother only. I learned of it when…when…” A flush rose on her cheeks, and she looked away from him across the lawns.
Ah, she learned of it when changes began within her body. James imagined how confused and wretched she must have been. Even frightened. “What motivated your mother?”
“My father’s desperate need for a son,” she said flatly.
“It is not only wealth and land men wish to pass on,” James said. “Legacies are also of the mind, and the need to leave those legacies behind can be imperative. I gather your mother had a good reason for keeping your sex a secret.”
“She did,” Jules said softly.
“And you want to break down these reasons and reveal yourself to your father?”
“I am not certain what it is I want. I do not like that this deception exists, yet it feels so necessary. How would my life change should I reveal it to my father?”
“Do you wish the world to know?”
She recoiled. “Never! I would loseeverything.”
“Then you want Dr. Southby to become a part of the deception and to share the burden of fooling the world.”
She raked slim, graceful fingers through her short curls. “I confess I do not fully understand what I want, James. My parents admit their love for each other so very often, yet this lie exists between them, a taint I loathe, yet to reveal my knowledge to my father might irreparably harm their relationship. My father still does not know of my mother’s lie. Some days I cannot fathom that he looks at me and does not see it.”
She made an incredulous sound loud in her throat.
“Your disguise is brilliant.”
“It did not fool you.”
“If I was an ordinary man, it might have.”
She laughed. “I find your arrogance charming.”
“I find your laugh beautiful.”
A flush rising on her cheeks, she tilted her head in question at his silent scrutiny, but she didn’t look away. In the depths of her eyes, he spied a wariness he somehow understood.
“Speaking to you about this is…soothing. The knots inside my chest have eased.” Her eyes twinkled, and she tugged at her cravat. “I watched you today interact with a few ladies. The duchess seems pleased.”
“I try.”
A taut silence fell.
“You are staring, Your Grace.” As she said this, she surreptitiously looked about the lawns. “And we are being watched most keenly.”
Perhaps this was not the time to mention he found her unspeakably lovely. That longing once again awakened inside him. She sensed something from him or saw it in his gaze, for hers widened, that hint of wariness deepening, along with a burn of want. That evident want hooked itself into his belly and tugged him toward her.
“James,” she gasped softly, her green eyes widening. “You are standing too close.”
