Page 79 of The Wolf and the Wildflower
The earl chuckled. “Come man, my lips will remain sealed. Is it Lady Emelia? The scandal rags all but have you two wedded.”
“If it should be anyone…it would be her.” The words stabbed deep inside him, and his Wildflower’s scent changed.
Their gazes collided and he saw the naked pain in hers, and he understood some of the sensations tearing at her. This would end…and he could feel its inevitable demise looming and they might never see each other again. What would possibly happen for their worlds to collide? He felt a dark clawing sensation inside his chest, so raw and visceral it almost ripped a snarl from him. Jules looked away, and James noted that her fingers were gripping the glass of brandy far too tightly.
“Come, let’s drink and then I will take you about town for a good time. You won’t have much opportunity for such fun once you take a duchess.”
From the earl’s lascivious grin, James knew the kind of fun he implied.
“We shall drink this night,” James said, “gamble and discuss politics if it suits, but I am not looking to bed anyone.”
The earl seemed surprised by this, but he did not protest, he made a point of introducing James and Jules to other members and they chatted about politics, first discussing the Third Reform Act, which established a uniform franchise throughout the country, then they moved on to consider the planned Redistribution of Seats Act which would redraw the boundaries to equalize the districts.
There was some contention over the bill which caused some heated arguments, but James remained mostly quiet listening to the other men, calmy offering his opinion when needed, confident in his readings and understanding of the current political climate.
Jules articulated her views well on several matters to the point where Summers joked that she could become a member of Parliament. They had another drink before he departed with Jules. They spilled out into the chilled night air and James glanced at his pocket watch which showed it to be only minutes after midnight. A light, misting rain fell and Jules lifted her face to the sky, allowing the water to caress against her face.
“Your makeup will be ruined.”
“I know,” she said softly, her tone throbbing with an emotion he did not know.
“Look at me,” he said gruffly.
Her throat worked on a swallow, and she took a deep breath before complying.
“I can see that you are in pain, Wildflower.”
“I know, it is silly,” she said with aching softness, pressing a palm over her chest. “But I hurt…right here…knowing this will end soon. You do not need me or my father, James, I doubt you ever did. You were so incredible tonight.”
“I assure you a public ball is a different beast I will need to face,” he murmured, his damn heart pounding. “Do not say goodbye as yet.”Not yet, Wildflower.
They stared at each other, the emptiness of the night surrounding them. James did not know what words to offer or if he should offer any. “I do not want it…us…to end.”
Her eyes widened, then she smiled even as her eyes remained dimmed, their soft luminosity shadowed. “So we are both being silly, hmm?”
That we are, Wildflower.“Do you regret it?”
“Never,” she said harshly, “I’ve told you I never regret once I step forward, and I will not regret anything with you.”
The thumping torment rising inside his chest eased and James lifted his face to the rain. “The rain will come harder.”
Her lips bravely curved. “I do not care, let’s walk in it.”
They strolled down St. James street, the only two souls about as the rain lashed down with more intensity. His Wildflower surprised him by starting to dance and sing in the rain, twirling and tapping her heels together in what looked like a Scottish jig.
James chuckled, and she tossed him a look over her shoulder, her lovely gaze gleaming with challenge.
“Will you join me, my good duke?”
“No.”
Her shoulder rose in a shrug, she lifted her face to the heavens once more and shouted. Or was it a scream? The pain and agony in the sound scraped against his senses, raked at his belly, and dug deep like talons. He stood in silence, absorbing her emotions and understanding this was how she released the feelings that pulsed inside her at the thought of letting them go. James walked to stand beside her on the cobbled sidewalk, near a gas lamp. She took a heaving breath as the scream ended, and when their eyes met, he saw that tears glistened in her eyes.
“If I do not let it out…it will consume me,” she said hoarsely. “I do not like feeling unmoored or as if I am not in control of myself.”
He understood…there were days…nights…weeks, when the sense of loss would have cleaved him into pieces if he had not screamed it out to the shocking vastness of the mountains and caves. James lifted his face, tipped back his head, and howled.
…
