Page 81 of The Wolf and the Wildflower
James shifted, easing her from his chest to peer down into her eyes.
“I have never laughed like this before,” she said huskily. “I have never just spoken…without keeping my voice low and deliberate.”
“With me you have no need to pretend.”
“I know,” she whispered.
She surged closer to him and mashed their mouths together in a desperate kiss. James groaned, took her face in his hands and kissed her hard, sucking them back down into ecstasy so they did not have to face those difficult decisions already beating at their senses.
James sprinted deep into the woods, running without slowing his steps until his sides ached and his muscles cramped. He had returned from London only earlier today to his mother’s displeasure that he had not called upon Lady Emelia or her family while in town. His mother had not been pleased to hear the young lady had not entered his thoughts in the few days he had been in London.
Only Jules Southby had crowded his awareness. James slowed his running until he stopped, lifting his face to the night sky, closing his eyes as the memories washed over him. The wanton night of tupping in the brothel, visiting a gambling house, riding in Hyde Park in the early mornings, meeting old friends at White’s, and then the wicked way they would come together in the nights when the household slept.
His Wildflower made him happy, and James knew she was also happy with him. He recalled the night in the rain, the pain in her eyes at the thought their friendship would one day end.
Why the hell does it have to end?he silently snarled.
Looking behind him at the great house in the distance, James could not imagine happiness to be found with any of the ladies his mother had invited to Longbourn Park hoping to become the future Duchess of Wulverton. The only woman he wanted was his Wildflower.
Stop this. Jules does not live as a lady and could never do so.
James had always known the freedom she enjoyed existing as a gentleman. Yet seeing her for those few days in town had powerfully reinforced how free and damn happy she had been with the life she had built for herself. He struggled to imagine parting from her. He could not envision never seeing her again because they did not belong to the same world. His Wildflower made him think of life beyond the present moment.
A wife, a duchess, was such a vague idea and took up no space within his thoughts other than fulfilling a duty that would see his family’s position more secure within thehaut ton. He did not imagine what that creature might look or smell or even taste like. He did not think about her, walking beside her or…anything. Yet whenever he thought of Jules, the future came to James in vivid dreams of her laughing and dancing in his arms and of her in his bed forever, the beauty of her smile as she peered down at their child snuggled in her arms.
A disturbing, ruthless need trembled inside.
A mistress, that ruthless voice whispered. His Wildflower could remain his mistress.Yet she deserves so much more, he silently replied.She deserves to live the life she wants.Asking her to give up even a part of that identity felt abominable. The images of her smoking a cigar, her green eyes dancing with liveliness, the way she had raced astride in Hyde Park, the way she had hollered when she beat him and Lindfield at Poker to the marquess’s annoyance swam in James’s thoughts. How free and happy she had been.
James stood there within the concealing darkness of the forest, knowing he could not marry anyone else when only his Wildflower commanded his heart. He scented Jules before he heard the soft whisper of her footsteps.
“You gave your Aunt Cecily a right fright racing across the lawns…naked,” she drawled, coming to stand beside him. “I was sent right out by the duchess to ascertain what is wrong.”
“I have on trousers,” he drawled. “I think it is time my family depart for their own homes, then they would be less worried to see me running in the nights.”
Her soft laughter curled through James.
“The duchess’s ball in town is few days away…and that you have not conformed to their expectations is worrying.”
He turned his head and watched her graceful approach. She had boldly removed her moustache before coming to him, the cravat was undone revealing the soft hollow of her throat, and the eyes that peered at him were bright with emotions and longing.
“Run with me.”
They moved off together, away from the prying eyes of his family and deeper into the woodlands leading to the cottage. Jules stopped, panting, before tumbling to the earth, folding her hands behind her head as she peered up at the towering skyline of trees. James lowered himself beside her and hauled her to the top of his chest. Clasping her head between his hands, he ran his thumbs over her cheeks.
“Do not leave, Wildflower.”
Her eyes widened. “What do you mean, James?”
“I will not marry any of the ladies that attended my mother’s house gathering.”
Her lashes swept down across her cheekbones, hiding her expression from him.
“Do not hide from me.”
She tried to move away, but he held her to him, and she trembled against his body, dropping her forehead to his chest. “Please let me go.”
The soft plea cut through him like the sharpest blade. James opened his arms and she rolled off him, hurriedly standing. He pushed to his feet, frowning when he realized that silent tears trickled down her cheeks. The sight of them ripped a hole inside his chest. “Why do you cry?”
