Page 34 of When He Was Wicked
“He frightened you just now. I am so damned sorry. I should call him out.”
“Strike it from your thoughts.” She sighed a bit wistfully. “I admit I was afraid when he first called to me in the hallway, but I assure you anger soon overshadowed my fear.”
She said it defiantly, but even now there was a slight tremble in her voice. And at this moment, his Verity appeared more delicate than ever. Yet the set of her chin hinted at her stubborn streak and unique strength.
“I’ve always wished I could stare him in the eyes and let him know how much he truly hurt and frightened me. Let him know what a nasty blackguard he is. I wonder at the futility at wanting a confrontation like that. Even if he were to show surprising remorse, I would not forgive.”
He gripped the edge of the carriage seat, fighting the need to draw her into his arms and merely hug her. That would be dangerous. The searing anxiety in her and the rage in him would reach for each other, and he would end up taking her virtue in a damn carriage.
"Sometimes to overcome fear, there is a place in us, a place filled with resilience and defiance that wishes to stand up to that fear. It will first start as a tremor, but then it becomes a roar that cannot be silenced. That is why you wish to tell him the pain he has caused."
A smile curved her lips, and he was enchanted, as an unexpected silence stretched between them.
“Where were you, James?” she asked curiously.
He released a rough sigh. “In Hampshire. I have an aunt and two cousins.”
“An aunt and cousins? How marvelous!”
And then he told her everything, from the box to the journey and meeting his family.
"Oh, James you must be so delighted. I am looking forward to meeting your cousins. You will have to hire them the best of tutors and dance masters to help them take their proper places in society."
He grunted. "I'll most certainly need a wife to help with that. As it stands, my coarse manners might be more of a hindrance than a recommendation."
They fell into another deep silence, and he could feel her stare.
“Have you decided on a wife then?”
“Yes.” And James realized he was unworthy of her. For he had been falling in love with her and had failed to make plans to protect her. How shortsighted he had been.
“May…may I ask the lady’s identity?”
Was it his imagination there was a quiver in her voice and that it had hoarsened?
“No,” he said softly, a tender hope stirring in his heart. Verity was affected by him.
She spluttered. “Well, why ever not?”
“When I have done everything I need to be worthy of her, I shall shout it to the world. I promise, you shall be the first to know.”
She sniffed disdainfully. “If she does not know of your worthiness…she…she is a bacon-brained silly miss!”
Her voice cracked alarmingly.
“Are you crying, Verity?”
A few beats of silence, “Of course not, why would I be?” she then muttered, sounding as if she had been driven to the extreme limits of her patience. “I too have most excellent news. Viscount Stanhope has expressed an interest in courting me.”
James's heart cracked, and the doubts worked deep.
"Is Stanhope a man of your choice or is he your brother's."
And James wondered if she wanted the man if he could respect her wishes and walk away. Denial clenched his gut into painful knots, and he breathed deeply. He never wanted to force her into any situation, not of her own choosing, not when somuch had been taken from her. And if this Stanhope matched the kind of man she had always wanted.
Christ! James did not believe he could be honorable, it was more likely he would whisk her away until she consented to be his wife. James leaned forward and touched her trembling lip with a finger. “Answer me, Verity. Is he your choice?”
Her eyes sparked with wild defiance, and she haughtily tossed her head. "I've not made one as yet, and my brother will never be the one to decide whom I marry."
