Page 18 of Ravishing Among the Roses
Edmund frowned. “You think I’m spoiled?”
“That’s quite a leap. It’s not your fault you are the son of a Duke. And as the son of a Duke you should indulge your hobbies, especially harmless lovely ones like breeding roses, without having to defend yourself against your brother. How dare he threaten to rip them out?”
“It was that moment when I started to see him. I started to see how he was only charming when people agreed with him,that he was never wrong, and he’d take revenge on people for the smallest slights against his character. I started to feel trapped. I am still trapped. I don’t know what to do.” He wasn’t asking for advice, not really.
“You could leave. We could leave together.”
Edmund’s chest swelled. “Do you know how many times I’ve thought about leaving? How many plans I’ve had? I’m not useless. I have some skills. I could go to the continent and work as a gardener."
"Why don't you?"
"Because something always happens to keep me there. I can't leave George now, and I know this doesn’t matter to anyone except me, but what about my Himalayan Musk Rose? It’s finally established, and I want to see the first blooms next spring.”
Gabriel kissed him. He wasn’t sure why, but he let himself sink into the kiss.
“What a pair of fools we are,” Gabriel said. It was a quiet whisper, as if it were a truth that could barely be spoken.
“Why?”
“I’m forgetful, hopeless at anything except being a vessel for people’s temporary pleasure.”
“That’s not true.” Edmund was confused. “I thought you were proud of your work.”
Gabriel flushed. “I am. I gave a lot of people joy, but the world doesn’t see it that way.”
“The world worships my brother as a Duke. Who cares what they think? I think you are amazing.”
“I wish I did.”
Edmund hated how confused he was. “Please explain what you mean.”
Gabriel smiled, a soft smile. “God, I love the way you are so frank about things. Sometimes I wish I was back at that old club. It was easier there and I was good at the work, but I left becauseI was looking for more. I’m a fool because I’m not organised enough to be ambitious.”
Edmund closed his eyes for a moment, and the dark helped him think through everything, to lay it all out into a pattern, and suddenly it made sense. “I remember you mentioned your first job, as a clerk, you were sacked because you kept misplacing things.”
“Yes, and now I need to organise an event, and I am making a mess of it, and now we’ve talked and talked about my old job and I can’t remember why I left. I was good at it and why did I want something else?”
“Why do I stubbornly stay in my brother’s houses and tend my roses? The heart wants what the heart wants.” Edmund would never leave, he’d always known his plans to leave were just fantasies, that his work was ongoing and necessary, and he’d put with anything to be able to keep doing it because he loved his work more than anything. Mostly his brother left him alone so staying had more benefits than leaving. He’d probably stay even if it meant he’d get married and be forced to give up spending time with Gabriel. He shivered. For the first time in his life, he wondered if the pain of staying was worth the reward.
Chapter 11
The heart wants what the heart wants. Gabby wanted to prove himself as an entertainer, to take the next logical step. Most people in his old job didn’t do the actual work for long, moving on to something else before their bodies gave out, or they caught one or more of the many diseases that inflicted that profession. Being a courtesan was, unfortunately, work for the young. Walt had started out like one of the boys too, and he’d used him ambition to create a club, a safe place for boys like all of them.
Gabby kissed Edmund because he had managed to remind Gabby why he’d come to The King’s Book Club, why he was struggling with this new role, and why he needed to find an answer to his struggles. Because it mattered. He was ambitious too.
“How can I help?” But what Gabby was really asking was, could Edmund help him?
“With?”
“Your brother. The roses.”
“I don’t need help. I think I should be helping you. I’m good at patterns and systems and you’ve said that you are not. Let’s make a system that works for you.”
Gabby tried not to shrink away because he had tried every system and none of them worked. If he used lists, he just lost the list, or he forgot to look at it. He’d long ago given up on trying to make his mind cooperate.
“Oh no, your roses are more important.”
Edmund stared at him, with a deep curiosity that made Gabby’s skin itch. “Only to me.”
