Page 57 of Cross Check My Heart
Unease prickles through me.
“I didn’t tell you to do that. If anything, I told you that we were done and there’s no way we would get back together.” She scoffs.
“You didn’t have to tell me to do anything. I’m your mother, it’s my job to make sure you don’t screw up your life. But if you keep shutting me out, I won’t be able to stop you from becoming like your father.”
I close my eyes. This wasn’t the conversation I had called to have with her, but I don’t see any way to get around it.
“From what I’ve seen, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.” I mumble back in response.
For a long moment, there’s nothing but silence on the other end. It’s Blake that’s the first to speak.
“What do you mean, from what you’ve seen?” I pinch the bridge of my nose, resting my elbow on the countertop.
“I’m guessing that mom didn’t tell you why I’ve been avoiding all your calls. Let me guess, she simply said I’m being over dramatic and throwing a tantrum?” My question is met with more silence. After a slight shuffle sound, the next moment my phone rings with an alert for a video call. I let out a long exhale before accepting.
I’m met with both my brother’s faces in the center of the frame while my mom protests in the background. Seeing them now, all I notice is how much they look like our dad.
“Hi.” I attempt to smile.
“What do you mean?” Blake doesn’t even acknowledge my greeting. I huff out a humorless laugh.
“I haven’t been living with Paige. When I broke up with Cam and needed to get away, I called Dad.” Blakes eyebrows furrow in confusion and Ian finally talks.
“I’m surprised he even answered.” Ignoring his jab, I continue.
“Originally, I was only calling to see if he knew of any affordable places to stay while I searched for a job. Instead, he offered me his condo that he bought when he moved down here and hardly ever uses. I tried offering to pay rent or anything toward the bills, but he wouldn’t take it, so when he asked me to go to dinner with him…I figured it was the least I could do.”
“Wait, you’ve actually seen Dad?” Blake questions. It surprises me that neither of them are upset. While I know that they’ve kept up with Dad’s career, anytime the subject of him has come up, neither of them have hidden their resentment for him. I thought for sure that they would be angry with me for calling him for help, especially when I didn’t take them up on their offers to stay with them.
I give them a small smile.
“Yeah. I’ve seen him. We’ve actually had either lunch or dinner a good handful of times since I’ve been down here.” I’m cut off by mom piping in.
“Which is just another mistake you’ve made this year!” I fight the urge to roll my eyes and continue talking to my brothers.
“Anyway, at one of our lunches he made a comment about how much it hurt him that none of us ever wanted to see him.” Ian glances back at mom before he gapes back at me.
“Wenever wanted to seehim?” I nod and tell my brothers how our dad had called and emailed mom to set up some sort of schedule to see us and mom either ignored him or told him that we didn’t want to.
“He could be lying about that.” Blake protests, but even he doesn’t sound convinced. I massage the tension building in my shoulders and sigh.
“I thought that too, but he offered to show me proof. Not because he wants to prove mom wrong, but because he wanted me to see that he wasn’t lying. I can send them to you guys, so you can see for yourselves, but he’s not lying. He tried to see us after he moved. When he took this job, he was only leaving Mom. Not us.” Ian shakes his head, but I suspect it’s not in denial as he glares at Mom. Blake continues watching me, his head cocked to the side as he questions.
“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Ian whips his head back toward the camera. I clear my throat, but that doesn’t help any. When I answer him, my voice sounds small even to me.
“Honestly, I didn’t think you would believe me. I assumed you would believe mom. Plus, you guys have barely talked to me since I broke up with Cam and when you did talk to me it was to tell me to get back together with him. I’m sorry I didn’t try to tell you, but I didn’t know how to.”
“We’ve always told each other everything though. At least the important shit.”
I give him a small smile but shake my head slowly in disagreement. Blake contemplates it for a moment before he speaks.
“No. She stopped.” Blake thinks it over and all of us are quiet while he does. I know what he’s realizing, it’s the same thing I discovered shortly after moving down here. I can tell the moment he figures it out, because he turns to Ian with pure disappointment painted across his face.
“She stopped telling us things when she broke up with Cam.”
“Why?” Ian snaps, and I let out another humorless laugh.
“Because every time I spoke to any of you, I was being told how much I was fucking up my life. You guys have spent the past three months telling me to just “get over it” and get back with Cam. Hell, the last time I talked to Mom she was going on about howluckyI am that Cam is still waiting and loving me.” I start pacing the condo, needing to move as my heart pounds in my chest. It doesn’t help calm me any as I lose my remaining patience and spill everything.
