Page 47 of Cross Check My Heart
I snap my mouth shut and close my eyes. I definitely don’t need to keep talking when I have no filter. Lilly giggles and my eyes fly open to find her with her hand clasped over her mouth as she quite literally holds her laugh back. Even her hand covering her mouth can’t stop her from laughing.
“I’m sorry. It’s just,” A giggle escapes before she continues. “I had the image of you and Garrett sharing a bed, with rose petals and the romantic beach scenery.”
She breaks out in another fit of giggles and this time I laugh along with her.
“So, is that a yes to getting away?”
“It’s a Hell yes, Dom-Dom.” My nose scrunches while she sets off in another fit of laughter. Shaking my head, I pounce on her. Settling between her legs, my arms on either side of her head for support as I peer down at her.
“Nowthatnickname is definitely not sticking.”
“Oh my god.” Lilly squeals, rushing out the back door.
Those three words have been on loop from Lilly since the moment we walked into the rental ten minutes ago. Our flight was just over one hour long. We had lucked out and didn’t have to wait in line for the rental car and had time to kill. So, we stopped at a restaurant overlooking a harbor, then wandered around small shops. One shop we found was a small building hidden between two big typical tourist shops with generic tye-dye tees and hoodies. Yet, Lilly saw the small store and made a beeline for it. While she went about browsing through all the unique signs and mugs, my attention was caught by the jewelry case. I hadn’t even thought twice as I grabbed the cashier’s attention and bought the necklace. It’s a silver chain with a simple, yet detailed sun pendant.
When I asked Lilly to close her eyes, she hadn’t even asked why. She jolted slightly when the cool pendant touched her chest, but she still didn’t question what I was doing. She simply waited until I told her to open her eyes and when she lifted the sun pendant, she turned with a smile spread wide across her face and launched herself at me.
It was nice to be out and not have to act like we don’t know each other. Even though we checked in later than we planned, the time spent today was worth it.
The rental is secluded at the end of a street and right out on the water. It’s a small house, but between the open floor plan of the kitchen and living room and the light tones used throughout, it feels bigger. That and the fact that the living room is made up of windows surrounding a glass sliding door, highlighting the perfect view of the ocean. The back patio is covered with a pergola that has string lights woven through the top of it that sits over a hot tub, a firepit and a bench seat. There’s also a chair set up on the beach and just beyond there is a long dock that goes out past the mangroves.
Just before Lilly steps onto the dock, she turns to check over her shoulder, smiling when she sees me following her. Without thinking about it, I take my phone out to snap a picture of her. The sunset sky is reflecting off the water, casting her in a glow of pinks and purples, the evening lighting causing the picture to only show her silhouette. I smile to myself and make it the background on my phone while I walk toward her.
I take another picture of her as I step onto the dock. She’s standing at the end, smiling brightly over her shoulder at me. This time, her face is in full focus and she’s fucking gorgeous.
Tucking my phone away, I step up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. She melts right into me, letting out a sigh of contentment. We stand for a while in silence watching the sunset reflecting on the water.
“Thank you for this.” She whispers. I hug her tighter, kissing the side of her temple. After a few moments, I move to sit at the end of the dock and settle with Lilly between my legs. We sit in a comfortable silence watching the sun dip further down the water.
I squeeze Lilly tighter to my chest before breaking the silence.
“My parents used to bring my sister and I here.” She tenses slightly in my arms for a heartbeat before relaxing. Lilly stays silent, giving me the option to say more or not.
My family has come up multiple times in conversation. A few weeks ago, it would have been my mom’s fiftieth birthday. It shocked the hell out of me at how easily I opened up to her about my parents’ accident. They had been driving home from our cabin in the mountains when they hit a patch of black ice and the car spun out of control. It’s been a long time since I talked about them, but talking to Lilly didn’t make me feel how I expected. She asked what they were like, and I spent the rest of the night telling her about my parents, their love for each other and things we did as a family.
She knows that my sister died last year. Aside from that day in her kitchen when she’d asked if I wanted to talk more about how Sarah died, she hadn’t questioned me about how it happened.
I stare back at the water and focus on the feeling of holding Lilly as I talk.
“I haven’t been down here in six years. The winter that followed our last trip was when my parents had their accident. After that, Sarah and I both kept making excuses as to why we couldn’t come. She was in college, and I was busy with hockey… There was always something in the way.”
Her head falls back against my shoulder, I take a moment to gather my thoughts by dipping down to kiss her neck. A smug smile spreads across my face when she shivers in response. Tucking her closer to me, I force myself to focus.
“Sarah and I still hung out a lot. With Garrett, of course, up until he moved to Tampa. Those two have always been my biggest supporters when it comes to my hockey career. I swear, she never missed a single one of my games.” I chuckle as I think about my sister covered from head to toe in merchandise with my name on it.
“We get these promo boxes at the start of every season. They usually have some shirts or hats with our names and team numbers. She loved the hoodies the most, even if they were from some sponsor, it didn’t matter. Any time I brought one of those boxes home, it was like Christmas had come early.” Lilly smiles and laughs lightly.
“Listen, I don’t blame her. Good, comfy shirts and hoodies are hard to come by.” I hesitate for a moment, turning the thought over in my head.
“I have a promo box that’s been sitting in the spare room. Take what you want.” Her eyes widen, reminding me of a deer in headlights. I give her a small smile and cut off any protests.
“Garrett already took a shirt from the box so that he could update his game day outfit, but the rest of the stuff is literally just collecting dust. We’ll go through it when we get back and see if there’s anything you like.” Unable to resist, I gently tip her head back and kiss her. Trying to show her that I am absolutely okay with her taking what she wants. When I finally pull away, she watches me closely before giving me a small nod.
“Besides, if Sarah were here, she’d be more pissed at me for not giving away whatever is in that box.”
“If you’re sure…” She trails off, studying me for a moment longer before turning her head back to the view in front of us. I know that she’s holding back on saying anything in case I decide that I’m done talking about this. We sit in silence, a huge part of me is waiting for the usual pain from the loss to take over. My chest and throat are tight, but the ache from those things isn’t as consuming as it was last year. Resting my chin on Lilly’s shoulder, I take a deep breath, letting the mix of coconut from her hair and the ocean breeze calm me.
“When Sarah first died, I was convinced that I would never be able to talk about her again. I had convinced myself that if I let myself talk about her, that the pain would consume me.”
