Page 58 of Cross Check My Heart
“You guys want to know everything? Fine. About three months ago I walked in on Cam balls deep in some random woman on our living room couch. That’s why I left him.” I scoff, clutching the phone tighter. “For some fucked up reason, I felt guilty and didn’t want to ruin any of your relationships with him, so I removed myself. Every time you told me to get over it? You were telling me to get over the fact that he cheated on me. Which, fun fact, wasn’t just that once.” My voice is raised as I’m close to yelling at this point. My brothers look like a mix of horrified and pissed while Mom remains silent for once. Not that I can find it in me to care as I continue spilling everything.
“So yes, I was so desperate to get away that I called Dad. He gave me a place to stay while I put myself back together, no questions asked. His only ask was that I get to know him a bit, but even if I chose not to let him in, he would still let me stayhere. Anytime that he asked about something I didn’t want to talk about, he moved on! Hell, he didn’t even know about Cam until the asshole somehow figured out where I’m staying and put me in the hospital two weeks ago!” My heart drops and I stop pacing, coming to a stop at the kitchen counter.
Shit.
That wasn’t how I wanted to tell them that. They’re all silent long enough that I tap my screen to make sure the call didn’t freeze. Ian is the first to break the silence.
“Cam did what?” His tone is menacing. Focusing on my kitchen counter, I play with the edges of the bill while I talk.
“He showed up a couple weeks ago trying to tell me that I had to come back with him. When I said no… he uh… I think he was going to try and take me with him. But a couple of the guys that live in the building were coming home from practice and helped me.” I swallow thickly, thinking over what to say. “After they stepped in, Cam mouthed off and he had a good grip on me so when he was forced to let me go, I bashed my head pretty good from it.” I leave out the bit that Dominik punching him in the face was the reason he let go. Dominik had felt so guilty it took me almost an hour to convince him that it wasn’t his fault.
Ian turns away toward our Mom, and I don’t have to see his face to know that he is livid.
“Did you know about this?”
Blake shifts the camera as he turns toward mom. They’re in the kitchen at her house, my brothers watch her from across the table where my mom stands. Her eyes are wide as she shakes her head vehemently back and forth. Her focus stays on me as she answers, as if I had asked the question.
“Cam and I were talking about how much you’ve changed, and it felt like I would never get you back. He offered to talk to you, but you weren’t answering his messages. I figured you two justneeded to talk face to face and he said he would win you back and convince you to come back home.”
Ian scoffs at our mom, while Blake stares back at me with wide eyes. I stare at them while I process what she said. Finally, I can’t hold back my question.
“You told Cam… How did you know where I was?” Her voice wobbles when she responds, but I can’t find it in me to feel sorry for her right now.
“The last time we talked, you told me that your father gave you a place to stay. It was a long shot that the address he gave me shortly after he left us still belonged to him.” I can only blink at her in response as a cold feeling spreads through my chest. Luckily, Blake questions her instead.
“So, it’s true? Dad tried to keep in touch with us?”
“If he wanted to be a part of your lives, he would have stayed. If I had let him see you guys, he would have strung the three of you along and then broken your hearts when he got too busy with work. I was only protecting you guys from getting hurt.”
Closing my eyes, I let her words sink in, while my brothers start talking over each other at her. My thoughts are racing from trying to keep up with the back and forth of the conversation between shit with Cam and our dad.
Not only is she the reason Cam showed up, but she also made the decision for our father not to be in our lives without telling us. Thinking over everything now, I realize that all my negative thoughts about our Dad, all stem from things she’s said. How she used to only talk about his bad qualities, or constantly state how he picked work over family.
“Dad?” The sound of Blake’s voice has me snapping my eyes open. He’s not focused on me though. Instead he’s leaning into the phone, his gaze locked on something behind me. As if that’s going to help better his view through the screen.
My heart drops, probably mush on the floor at this point, when I glance over my shoulder to find my dad and Dominik standing just outside my kitchen. Dom is standing slightly behind him, still in the hallway as my dad clears his throat. He glances over at Dominik, he hikes a thumb over his shoulder, pointing to the door.
“Practice got out early, so I figured I’d drive the guy’s home and swing by to check in on you.” He runs a hand through his hair, avoiding my gaze as he talks. “Dominik and I were finishing up our conversation in the hallway when we heard yelling.”
“We probably should have spoken up sooner…” He glances over his shoulder toward Dominik again and I can’t help the small laugh that escapes. They both look like they’re about to get scolded and are trying to find a way to get out of it.
“You’re fine, Dad.” I turn my attention back to the phone, I see my brothers and mom all standing still and staring at us. I clear my throat, tilting my head to the side and peeking back at my dad. “How much of that did you hear?”
He stares at the floor while he grips the back of his neck and clears his throat.
“Right around the part about where you were telling them when you first called me.” I nod, turning back to give my brothers a small smile.
“I know there’s still a lot that we need to talk about regarding Dad, and if you want you can call me later or you can even come down here sometime. But Mom?” She stares at me, wide eyed and panicked.
“This time when I tell you that I need space…Listen to me. Between you very loudly doubting all my life choices, picking Cam over me every single time, and everything with Dad… I have nothing nice to say to you at the moment. And you’re the one who taught me to not say anything at all in those moments.”
Whatever she was going to say is cut off as I hang up the phone. I take a moment to focus on willing away the tears that are threatening to spill over. The whole reason I never told them why I broke up with Cam was because of how much he meant to them. I had been trying to make sure that their relationships with him didn’t get messed up because of what happened between us.
It suddenly hits me that I never should have had to worry about that in the first place. Even if I never told them what had really happened between Cam and I, they should have supported me. Yeah, maybe if I had talked to my brothers instead of running away, they might have left me alone about breaking up with him. But shouldn’t my leaving him have spoken for itself?
Pushing thoughts of Cam away, I turn away from the counter. There’s a huge part of me that wants to walk over to Dominik and just fall into his arms. Considering my dad is standing right next to him, I stay put.
“I’m gonna…” Dominik trails off, pointing with his thumb over his shoulder toward the front door. Disappointment floods through me, but I bite my tongue and nod. With my dad here, and everything they just overheard, it wouldn’t make any sense for Dominik to be here. I wave a hand toward the kitchen as I step toward them.
