Page 30 of Until Tomorrow Comes
11
Kat
The hardest thing about leaving Zack is turning out to be something I hadn’t even considered.
I worried aboutwhoI was without him. I had been terrified that Alan would turn me away, and that I wouldn’t be able to find somewhere to live. I had considered all the different ways me leaving Zack would impact and inconvenience everyone in my life. A small part of me was even worried about being completely alone.
What I never thought of though, was how hard the quiet days would be.
My first quiet day here had set me on edge. I had woken up, taken my coffee out to the back deck and just listened to the waves crash. Before I knew it, my coffee was finished and I went back inside, rhythmically washing the mug and putting it back in the cabinet.
After that I stood in a daze.
When I was with Zack, from the crack of dawn there was always a list for me to do. Running on only coffee, I would do all the chores, ensuring the house was spotless. But even when that was done, there was always a dinner party needing to be planned or an event to attend that I was meant to schmooze business partners.
Even my ‘down time’ was amandatorymanicure and pedicure twice a month with my mother. But, more often than not, even then we would be planning luncheons, or my mother would tell me exactly how to make Zack’s life easier.
After my first week here, I had to force myself to take my time with my morning coffee. I even began making breakfast again. It was the first time in years that I had eaten before noon and my stomach rolled after just a few bites of bacon.
It’s a good thing that Jackson eats whatever is put in front of him.
Having him around helps, as we fall into a steady routine that helps fight off some of the lingering fear and guilt.
Each morning, we’re both up before the sun rises. Just as I walk down the stairs, he’s walking in the door from his morning run. Like clockwork, as I pour my coffee, the shower turns on upstairs. After his shower, he comes back to breakfast already prepared for him.
And each time, he thanks me with shock blanketing his features before we settle into a comfortable silence and eat together. When he’s not busy with the VA, he’ll sometimes join in on whatever show or movie I’m watching.
Alan calls me daily to check in, but other than that, I’m left to entertain myself. Since I hadn’t read a book in years, I only brought one with me because I assumed that it would take me a while to get through.
It didn’t. I devoured it in one day.
Whitney Westhas such a captivating writing style. I didn’t know it was a dark romance, or what that truly meant, until I was halfway through and absolutely enthralled. I lost track of time, not even noticing the sun had set until Jackson came to find me. After that I went on a search for more books.
I ordered another book from her and saved three more from similar authors. Something Alan clearly noticed, since he had Jackson go out the next day to buy me an e-reader, with a subscription to e-books and audiobooks.
My cheeks heat at the memory of Jackson walking into theWillow Winsletaudiobook playing through my speakerphone the other morning. As embarrassing as that should have been, I was more thrown off by the thoughts I was having abouthim. I had to remind myself more than once that he is my brother’s friend, and that I’m still healing from the abusive relationship I barely escaped two and a half weeks ago.
Even still, I couldn’t help but feel relieved at the fact that I was having a physical reaction to someone. My experience before Zack was limited, having only been with two other guys, and both of them finished within five minutes.
With Zack, it wasokaythe first few times, my love for him adding to the experience, but after that it was just a chore added to my checklist.
I never truly understood the hype about sex.
However, after reading these romance novels, I can’t help but wonder if it was actually the men, I chose to be with that made the experiences bad. Considering I had been more turned on by the scenes in these books than I have by anyone in real life.
I just need to remember to wear headphones when listening to romance books in case Jackson walks in again.
Now, with my new paperback sitting next to me as I lounge on the pallet bed below the back deck, I can’t help but feel like I’m guilty of something.
My back straightens as memories of Zack screaming at me, his neck strained as he spat out that I was lazy if I didn’t do anything flash through my mind. Squeezing my eyes closed, I take in a slow trembling breath, before exhaling, and trying again. This time my inhale is more steady as I count to ten. Just as my muscles relax and I’m about to start my counting over, the sound of a voice close by has a screech tumbling from my lips causing me to jolt painfully.
When I finally open my eyes and turn to face the voice, I’m met with one of the most stunning women I’ve ever seen. She’s standing at the edge of the concrete slab with her hands up in surrender. Her bright brown eyes wide with panic as she watches me.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle ya.” She states quietly, her eyes focused on the cut above my eye.
Jackson comes bounding down the deck steps, skipping the last three steps, jumping and landing on the concrete with a thud before bee-lining toward me without hesitation. When his gaze lands on me, he checks me over slowly, lingering longer than needed on my exposed legs before moving on. He must find whatever he’s looking for, nodding at me before glancing around.
When he spots the woman, he stops at the edge of the pallet bed and visibly relaxes. Running a hand through his hair, he sighs heavily.
