Page 37 of Wrapped Around My Heart
“I didn’t know you have a brother,” Ari whispers.
Smiling sadly, I nod but don’t look up from my plate as I continue.
“Yeah. Tristan. He was the happiest kid ever. Never cried, very rarely fussed about anything. Kid could sleep through just about everything too.” Mindlessly, I push some of the pasta around in the bowl. “After he was born, my mom slipped right back into old habits. She couldn’t keep a job and any money she did make mostly went to whatever drugs she could get her handson. We were barely scraping by. I started doing work around the neighborhood to help. I mowed lawns, picked up dog poop, and even offered to help neighbors with spring cleaning. You name it and I was doing it just to help keep the electricity on or get food for my brother.”
I pause long enough to take a bite to eat, even though my stomach revolts at the idea of food. Still, I need a moment to myself before going on.
“By my senior year of high school, Tristan was six and his elementary school offered a couple different after-school programs. But at least he was being taken care of while I was juggling two jobs and the hockey team after school.”
Ari gasps, interrupting me, and I offer her a forced smile.
“My coach was also really cool about letting my brother hang out during practice if there wasn’t childcare.”
“You were basically raising your brother,” she states and I shrug.
“Yeah. I would have done anything for him. One day, my mom swore she’d get him from school. Literally snapped at me for questioning if she’d actually do it or not, and for some stupid reason, I chose to believe her. I picked up two extra hours of work that day, then went straight to practice. It ran a little later than normal. We were having fun, but when I got home…” Swallowing thickly, I force myself to get out the rest. “There was a police car in front of my house, along with a couple other vehicles I didn’t recognize. Turns out, Mom got so high she ended up passing out and missed pickup time for Tristan. One of his teachers called the police for a wellness check and everything went downhill from there. Tristan and I were taken to child protective services. Somehow, the agent on our case was able to get ahold of my mom’s sister. I didn’t even know we had an aunt. But she showed up a couple days later.”
This time, I set my fork down and rest my elbows on the table.
“My aunt, Marie, was…a lot. She claimed to not even know my mom was alive, let alone that she had two kids. She was immediately captivated by my brother. Somehow, he remained completely unfazed. He was happily entertained by the toys they had available and was thrilled that he could make everyone at the agency laugh. When it came time for paperwork, though, my aunt finally admitted that she didn’t have room for both of us. She lived in California with her husband in a smaller house, so her concern was space and making sure that we were both taken care of. Since I was already seventeen, she told me I was close enough to being an adult anyway.”
“But you were a kid too.” The venom in Arianna’s voice makes my head snap up toward her. Anger radiates off her in waves and for some messed-up reason, seeing her defensiveness actually soothes something inside me.
“I was. But I only had half a year left in my senior year. Marie gave me her phone number and address, so as long as Tristan was safe and taken care of, I was okay with foster home hopping until I graduated.”
“But she split you and your brother up.” She shakes her head. I reach over to take her hand in mine. Tears line her shining eyes, and I hate that they’re there because of me. “Is that why you’re not close to him?”
I nod and cling to her hand in mind like a lifeline. “I don’t even know where he is anymore.”
Ari frowns and I try not to let it stop me from continuing. If it wasn’t for the fact that she deserves to know this side of me and that I would do just about anything to show her how serious I am about us, I wouldn’t continue. Yet I find myselfwantingto tell her, to finally open up to someone about the piece of my life that no one else has ever seen.
“Once they left for California, I tried calling every day. Marie would let me talk to him maybe once or twice a week. Every other time she had excuses about him being in school or at some program. Luckily, I ended up getting into a college that was only thirty minutes from where they lived and the school had a decent hockey team, so I got in with a sports scholarship. I tried calling my aunt and brother to let them know, but she started avoiding my calls more and more. I just assumed they were busy adjusting to life with a kid. Only, when I moved out there, I showed up to surprise them and my aunt freaked out.”
“Why?”
“She claimed it wasn’t polite to show up unannounced. I didn’t bother pointing out that I tried calling. It didn’t matter what she said anyway because I got to see Tristan for the first time in almost a year. We both cried and played out in her front yard while he told me about his new school until Marie said it was time for bed. Everything was fine for a month or two. My aunt gave me a day after school that I could spend with my brother every week. Until one day, I showed up at the same time as always and no one was there. I hung out on their front porch for hours before one of the neighbors came over to tell me they moved.”
“Wait, what?” Ari gasps.
“They were just…gone. They sold the house and disconnected their phone numbers. Left me with no way to get in touch with my brother. I tried getting in contact with the case manager that helped us from child protective services, but even she came back with nothing. I spent years trying to find them, but that was almost ten years ago…” My throat tightens as I trail off, unable to say anything more for a moment.
With her hand still in mine, she waits patiently for me to decide where to go next. I know she would listen withoutpushing me if there was still more that I had to say. But also, if I were to change the subject, she wouldn’t hold it against me.
I focus on the feel of her palm against mine, on the way my leg bounces beneath the table as I try to focus and suck in a deep breath. Knowing if I don’t get the rest out, I might not have the courage to bring it up again.
“I spent every free moment that I was in California trying to find my brother. If it weren’t for my college coach, I would have turned down the offer from the Rattlesnakes. I didn’t stop until the day I left to move to Florida.” I flash her a pained smile that probably looks more like a grimace. “Up until this year, I usually take a week during the off season to go back to California and hang around where he used to live, just in case…”
My next exhale comes out sounding like an annoyed laugh. “I honestly couldn’t tell you if my mom is still alive or not. I know she was arrested for child endangerment, but once we went into the system, I was so focused on Tristan that it was months before I even thought about her. Every now and then I think about it, occasionally wonder if she got her shit together or if she’s still in jail. But my curiosity never reached a point of feeling the need to actually find out the answers.”
Still clinging to her, I say the one thing that feels like a fear-filled plea.
“When I say I want to be there for everything and anything you’ll let me be, it isn’t just me checking a box in the role of being a dad. I genuinely want nothing more than to give you and our baby the life I never got to have. I want our kid to have a real family, with parents who show up for them. I want you to feel supported, to know that you’re never going to be alone in any of this. And I don’t want you to think that I’m only here for you because of the baby. Wanting you, being with you, is something I’ve been thinking about far longer than I should probably admit.”
Ari’s shimmering eyes widen in shock, her mouth dropping open in a beautiful O shape, but I’m not finished yet. Rambling is something I do often, but right now, my priority is making sure she knows just how deeply I feel toward her.
“I might not have been the first choice to have a kid with. Hell, we haven’t even talked about us yet. But I promise you that for me, this is a dream come true. I will do everything I can to prove to you and our baby that I can and will show up when you need me.”
“Dean,” she whispers my name in a pretty sigh, and I hold my breath, waiting for her to tell me to pump the brakes or tell me I’m insane.
