Page 76 of Heartless Boss
I hang my pink hat and jacket on the coat rack in the living room next to the wide window. The apartment I moved into is not as fancy as the apartment I once shared with Gunner. It’s a small two-bedroom with a spacious kitchen and a fireplace. But I love it; it’s as cozy as a warm blanket. Izzy sits on the purple sofa, flipping through a fashion magazine. Her wet, straight black hair falls down her shoulders and she smells of vanilla as I perch next to her. She isn’t picking up any modeling gigs until February, claiming she needs a break.
“How was work?” she asks. The flat screen television is showingAmerica’s Next Top Model. This woman eats, sleeps, and breathes modeling.
“You’re looking at a business owner,” I say as a smile spreads across my face, causing her to look up from her magazine.
“Really?”
“Yeah, Paris and London want me to take over, so they can leave the city to travel. I’m so nervous and scared.”
She hugs me and kisses my cheeks, getting sticky lip gloss on my skin.
“We should celebrate,” she says.
“Maybe tomorrow. I don’t want to go back out in that cold. How was your day? Are you hooking up with Matt again tonight?”
They’ve been doing random hookups at his place. He gets off at the wee hours in the morning. I asked her if their relationship is serious and she said no, her parents wouldn’t approve of someone like him, but she doesn’t like him in that way. She’s got her eyes set on another supermodel she met when she was in London and wants to ask her out for a date. Izzy dates more women than men. During our friendship, I’ve only known her to date three men but she’s had a dozen girlfriends.
“Not tonight. He’s in Seattle with his family looking at a location for a new club.” She disappears into the kitchen and comes back with a brown, square box wrapped in duct tape in her hand. “Darien dropped this off. He said it’s from Gunner.”
And my heart drops to the white carpet and bounces up and down. I snatch it out of her hand and stare at her for several moments. Slowly, I tear it open. Inside there are stacks of letters, so I grab one and unfold it and I rub my hand on the letters in his sloppy handwriting. Tears leak from the corner of my eyes as I inhale the scent of the paper—it smells like him, cinnamon and heaven.
Izzy strokes my back to comfort me. When she got back from a photoshoot in London, she witnessed me falling apart, crying about my breakup with Gunner.
What if these are goodbye letters and he wants to be friends? Or telling me we were a big mistake?
“I can’t read these,” I blurt out.
“I’ll read them for you,” Izzy says. She snatches the letter from my hand, then reads it, and her cheeks turn redder than a red apple. “Ah, Gigi. You should read them. This one was not for my eyes to see.”
I snatch it back and read it.
Rainbow,
I’m not a romance type of guy, so I’m going to write it, but I miss being balls deep in your pussy.
Okay, I’m done being romantic.
While I’m stuck here, my sponsor told me to write to the people I care about. I’m not a writer, but if I’m going to write to someone it will be you.
The first day was awful as fuck. I suffered from major withdrawal; I was sweating really bad, had fucking headaches out of this goddamn world, tremors, and chills. I wanted to tear my skin off my body and rip my hair out of my skull. It was so bad I forgot where I was, and then I’d start hating you for breaking up with me, for making me realize what I was doing.
But when I remembered why you broke up with me I’d start loving you again.
The food is horrible here, so horrible I’d rather eat drywall. I miss your cooking and your cookies and cupcakes. Do you know what else I miss? I miss you, the scent of your pussy, the scent of your hair. You smell like hope, life, and passion.
Love, Gunner.
P.S. This is the first and the most shitty love letter I ever wrote. Read the next one, I promise it will get better.
So I do. I read all ninety of them. He filled me in on his days, how he made some friends, and how much he can’t wait to leave. He tried to write me a poem. It was crappy, but it was the best one I ever read. If that makes sense. Every time I read a new letter my heart beats rapidly and butterflies swim in my stomach as tears trickle down my cheeks. Then I get to the last letter.
Gia,
It’s the last day of my stay in rehab. I feel like a better man; I feel good. And I have you to thank for that. Losing you was the nail in the coffin for me to do the right thing. If I was a shitty boyfriend, I apologize. If I made you deal with a lot of shit, I apologize. If I made you cry, I apologize. Even though it is part of my recovery to apologize to all the people I hurt, I fucking mean it.
I used to be so scared to love, but I want to love you, Rainbow. Right before the shit show went down with Ryan, you told me you love me. I didn’t say it back because I didn’t know how so I’m saying it now.
I fucking love you, Gia.
