Page 78 of Perfect Pairing
Brie inhaled deeply, holding it in, her eyes closed, as though she was at war with herself about something and debating whether or not to share it.
When they popped open again, she breathed out and said in a rush, “In that case, there’s something I need to tell you. Something no one else knows. And you’re probably not going to like it.”
A test, then. I could handle that.
I gripped the edge of the counter to stop myself from reaching for her, to comfort her while she spilled this secret. “Okay…” I said slowly.
“That first time we slept together, I got pregnant.”
Three little words instantly transported me back to nearly seven years ago, when a different woman had come to me in a different kitchen on the other side of the country to tell me she was having my baby.
I willed myself to remain still, to process the words without any sort of reaction. Brie said no one else knew about this, and she clearly had a reason for that. I owed her the chance to explain.
“I—” I croaked out then cleared my throat and started again. “We don’t have a child.”
She shook her head sadly. “No.”
“What happened?” The softness of my tone surprised me, given the dangerous maelstrom of emotions swirling inside me.
Would I have been okay with another baby conceived accidentally and out of wedlock? With Brie, I think I would’ve been okay with anything, but it was hard to think straight through the blood roaring in my ears.
“I lost it,” she said quietly. “I found out that August—on my birthday, actually,” she added with a disbelieving chuckle. “I didn’t tell anyone. Just made an appointment with my doctor to figure out my options. I didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up,least of all my own. But the day I went in for my first appointment and they sent me to the bathroom to pee in a cup…I was bleeding. My doctor confirmed I was miscarrying shortly after.
“It was…mortifying,” she continued, her cheeks reddening with the memory. “That I couldn’t even hang onto a pregnancy long enough to confirm it really existed. I just never told anyone, because how do you explain that to the people you love? A one-night stand turned accidental pregnancy turned miscarriage in the span of a few months? I couldn’t live with the disappointed looks my family would give me.”
“It wasn’t a one-night stand,” I breathed.
She looked up at me, eyes more vibrant thanks to the tears welling in them. “No? Then what was it?”
“God, Brie,” I said, at last giving up on holding myself back from her. I crossed the room in three long strides and gathered her into my arms, whispering into her hair, “It was everything.”
Her slim shoulders shook with a silent cry, and I clung tighter, holding us both together as best I could.
“It was everything to me too,” she whispered, the words pained.
“Why didn’t you tell me before?”
Silence reigned for long moments as Brie pulled herself together, and when she spoke again, her words were hoarse.
“I knew what you’d gone through with Shannon. You’re a good man, Ezra. One of the best. And I know you would’ve once again done the thing you thought was expected of you. I never wanted to put you in that position. So while I hadn’t exactly made up my mind, I think I knew deep down that I was going to keep it. And when I did finally tell you, I wanted togive you the option to be in our child’s life…not make it feel like a requirement, another set of shackles holding you to a woman you didn’t want.”
Her words hit me like a shot straight to the heart. The situation was so similar to what happened with Shannon, yet vastly different.
She wasn’t wrong in assuming I would’ve done the right thing. My ill-fated marriage was proof of that. But what she failed to realize was that my relationship with Shannon didn’t hold a candle to the things I felt for Brie.
“It wouldn’t have been shackles, honey. Not with you. With you…it would’ve been wings.”
I pulled away and held Brie at arm’s length, reaching up to swipe my thumbs across her cheeks, collecting the moisture slipping down them.
“And I would’ve been there for you,” I vowed. “I’llalwaysbe here for you.”
Brie gave me a watery smile then folded herself back into my arms.
And I couldn’t help thinking I’d passed her test.
Ezra was…different lately. I’dnoticed it before, but that haunted expression he often wore previously seemed to have evaporated, replaced with…I wouldn’t say happiness. I didn’t think he could be truly happy with things between us so up in the air. In fact, he’d made that perfectly clear the night before. But Ezra seemed content, settled in a way I hadn’t really witnessed from him before.
Maybe he’d been telling the truth. Maybe everythinghadchanged, and I was needlessly keeping us in this holding pattern because I was too afraid of getting my heart broken again.
