Page 126 of Distress Signal
“You survived awar, Finn. I refused to be the thing that costs you your life now.”
A derisive laugh escaped me. “Don’t you see? Youaremy life now.”
Reagan sat up abruptly, as though she’d been forced into position. Her mouth gaped, opening and closing as she searched for a response.
“I’ve lost everything,” she finally said. “My parents. My sister.” Her eyes swam with tears. “I draw the line at losing myself.”
“Is that what you think is happening here? That being with me means losing yourself? That loving me means you don’t love yourself?”
“I told you before that I couldn’t do this with you. That Lainey had to be my top priority. And since I’ve gotten here, I feel like all I’ve done is get further away from that promise to myself. I’m losing myself in you, and I think by extension, I’m losing Lainey too.”
“You think I haven’t lost people too?” I exploded, losing the grip on my fury at last. “As you so helpfully mentioned, I’ve been to fuckingwar, Reagan. And lost my dad long before that. I knowexactlywhat this feels like, so don’t try to use your losses as some bullshit excuse to push me away.”
“It’s not bullshit,” she said stubbornly.
But she’d softened slightly, as though her indecision between whether to stay or go balanced on a razor’s edge, and my anger deflated like a pin stuck in a balloon.
We weren’t getting anywhere screaming at each other.
There was a simple way to settle this, a single question I needed to ask. The answer would determine our future.
“Reagan?” I murmured in question.
“What?”
“Do you love me?”
I was certain I knew the answer, but acknowledging how deep her feelings for me ran would alter reality as we knew it—would force her to confront she was in too deep to run now. Wewere living one of those moments that we’d look back on, point at, and say, “That’s it. That’s when it all changed.”
“What does that matter?”
“Answer the fucking question, belle.”
She was silent for long enough that I thought she’d ignore me altogether, wash her hands of us, and leave without another word.
Instead, she crossed the room and threw herself into my arms.
“You know I do,” she said, the words muffled by the fabric of my tee.
“Then that’sallthat matters.”
thirty-six
. . .
REAGAN
In the dramaand aftermath of my accident, I’d completely forgotten about the discovery I made in Lainey’s journal.
Finn was blessedly at work, leaving me to my own devices for once. With, of course, strict instructions not to go outside.
“I’ll be watching you,” he’d promised as he left.
I’d rolled my eyes.
I was still in enough pain that my leaving wouldn’t be a problem. I couldn’t even shower without Finn’s help, not that I’d tried. Plus, I had no desire for another showdown with my attacker.
Instead of going out, I’d make people come to me.
