Page 135 of That Fake Feeling
I’malone, more vulnerable thanI’veever been.Humiliationlooms as everyone stares at me.Icould be about to look like the king of losers, the ultimate fuckup.
ButI’mdead certain nothing has ever been more worth that risk.
Igrip the mic as tight asIcan in the hope that’ll prevent it from shaking.Ishould have taken another swallow of beer beforeIcame up here, not just for theDutchcourage, but also to lubricate my mouth, which is currently drier than extremely dry sand that’s been extra dried in a drying machine and then left out in the sun for several hours.
Theremust be more than a hundred people in this room, and every one of them is looking at me.Theeasiest thing would be to thank them all and step down.ButifIhand back the mic and walk away,I’lllet myself down more than anyone else.I’vespent way too many years doing that, andI’mnever doing it again.
Iclear my throat and swallow in the hopeIcan peel my tongue off the roof of my mouth and form something vaguely resembling words and put them in an order that approximates sentences.
“Hi.ThankstoWalkerandEmilyfor creating this amazing space.Ithas to be the coolest bar inNewYork.It’slike drinking beer in a fancy country barn.”Ipoint atWalker. “Butwhat would you expect from a man with a hipster beard like that?”
Thatgets a laugh from the crowd and makesWalkerroll his eyes.
“Ialso need to thank them for something else.Forhaving faith in me.Forgiving me a task they couldn’t possibly have been sureIwas up to.Ican only hopeI’verisen to the occasion.”
Behindme,WalkerandEmilyshout, “Hell, yes,” in unison.Thosetwo finish each other’s sentences as much as an old married couple.
“So,Walkerasked me to tell you the story behind the mural.”AsIpoint at the painting, everyone turns their attention toward it and away from me, easing the tension around my chest a little. “You’veprobably already figured out it’s made up of scenes that show the story of a grain of barley from when it grows in the field on the far left to becoming the delicious foamy drink in that happy bearded guy’s hand on the far right.”
Afew heads turn around as people point atWalker.
Ifollow their gaze. “Yeah,Iwonder who that could be.”
Walkersteps forward and leans into the mic. “Whilehe was working on it,Idid askConnorto not make my beard so ugly, but he said, andIbelieve this is the exact quote, ‘Itisthat fucking ugly.’”
Everyonejeers apart fromEmily, who lets out anaw.
Walkersteps back and leaves me to it.
“Anyway, if you look closely at the people, you’ll find all of us in there.”
“Oh, myGod,”Rosecalls up to me as she points toward the field on the left, where a large scruffy dog is chasing a ball. “IsthatElsayou’ve even included?”
Inod.
“Yup.Andthat’sSummerthrowing the ball for her.Youcan tell because she has knitting needles sticking out of her back pocket.”
Icast my gaze to the back of the room whereOwenandSummerare lurking near the bar.Summer’shands fly to her cheeks.Sheinstantly looks on the verge of tears.Iknow it’ll be because she’d consider it such an honor to be included with our family.
“Anyway, you can all play the game of looking forMomandDadand the rest of us later.”
Istep to the front of the stage right by whereRoseis standing and sit on the edge, my legs dangling over the front.
“Butright now, there are a few other things in the muralIwant to point out.”
Ireach forRose’shand, pull her to stand against the stage next to me, and wrap my arm around her shoulders as we both look over everyone’s heads at the painting.
“Canyou all see the tomato plants growing in the garden of that house my parents are standing in front of?They’renot there because this is aToastedTomatopub.They’rethere becauseImet my remarkable girlfriend in a tomato patch.”
Roseslaps me playfully on the chest.
“Shewas flat on her back at the time.Butthat’s a story for later.”
Thecrowd laughs, and some people point out the tomato plants to those who haven’t spotted them yet.
“Thetwo people rowing on the pond are there because that was howRoseandIspent our first date.Andit was the dayIrealized how much courage and determination she had.”
Roseclasps her hands over her heart and gives me anawlook.
