Page 2 of Man Vs. Woman
Hoyt loves the attention, the fame, and the money. Unfortunately, I guess I’m not one of the things he cares about.
But screw it, I’m not even sad. I’m done with having to work my ass off just so he can reap the rewards, live like some asshole baller, and cheat on me. See, my sixth sense always told me there was something off about Hoyt, but I just ignored that little voice on the back of my mind.
Hon, listen to me: when it comes to men,neverignore your sixth sense.
For the first time in years, I decided to follow my instincts and, lo and behold, I caught the bastard red-handed. I flew to the East Coast a few days ago, on business, and was only supposed to return tomorrow. But something told me I should come sooner.
And that’s exactly what I did. And, of course, I didn’t tell anyone.
For a moment, I thought I was just being paranoid, and so decided to Skype my lovely boyfriend the moment I stepped out of the plane. Hidden in one of the stalls in the airport’s bathroom, I chatted with him for a few minutes before he excused himself and hung up on me.
Or thought he did.
The bastard forgot to hang up and left his phone on. And that’s how I saw him invite the new masseurs we hired inside the room and get busy tearing the clothes off their bodies. Leaving the airport in a hurry, I slipped $100 to my driver just so he could get me to the spa faster.
And now here I am, watching as my boyfriend and business partner cheats on me with two big-breasted brunettes he got on payroll. So, yeah, forgive me if I’m a little pissed and didn’t even introduce myself properly. It’s just that right now my priority is teaching this bastard a lesson he won’t forget anytime soon.
Tapping the keyboard a few more times, I activate the aromatic sprinklers in room 7 and select the fragrance I want to spray the room with. I don’t even hesitate before selecting theCucumberoption. Why? Well, let’s just say that a certain someone is somewhat allergic to cucumbers.
“And here we go,” I whisper again, turning on the sprinklers. In a matter of just a few seconds, I watch as a light drizzle sprays over Hoyt and the girls in room 7. He doesn’t react at first, but then he sits up straight on the table, pushing the girls to the side. He looks up at the ceiling, takes a deep breath, and a horrified expression takes over his face as he realizes the sprinklers are drenching the room with our special cucumber spray.
“What’s wrong?” I hear one of the girls say, looking at Hoyt surprised. Then, she covers her mouth with one hand as she watches the transformation taking place in front of her.
Hoyt’s lips start swelling, his face gets puffier and puffier by the second, and a violent rash spreads over his skin fast. And, best of all, his tiny cock becomes puffier as well, almost as if a swarm of angry wasps had stung it over and over again.
Stumbling out of the massage table, Hoyt tries to move for the door.
“FUCK!” He bellows as he walks head first against the wall. By now, his eyelids have swollen as well, and he can’t see shit. Fat, blind, and smelling of cucumber—the ideal man, wouldn’t you say?
When he finally manages to find the door, he ambles outside, his hands in front of him. Smiling to myself, I take a deep breath and finally get up from the chair. I leave the control room and head straight to room 7, right in time to see Hoyt make his way toward the reception.
You know, I wanted to play it cool, but seeing him right in front of me...it kind of awakens that angry goddess inside of me. “Hoyt, you bastard!” I scream out, and he turns around to face me.
“Sewena? Whatta you wuing heww?” He asks me, trying to articulate the words with his swollen tongue. I appreciate the effort, but hearing his voice...it just makes me angrier.
“Oh my God!” A woman shrieks as she steps out of room 5, wearing nothing but a white cotton robe. Her face turns pale as she meets Hoyt, the Naked Hunchback of Serene Spa. “A MONSTER!” The woman cries out, and then she runs down the corridor as if the whole building was on fire. As people start coming over to see what’s happening, more and more screams start filling the spa.
“You’re making quite the impression, Hoyt,” I say, walking over to him. I’m not even being snarky right now—he’sreallymaking an impression. Completely naked, as red as a lobster that enjoys sunbathing, and swollen to the point of looking like he could star in a Michelin ad, my now ex-boyfriend is quite the sight.
“Sewena! Yuh bish!” He tries to yell, pointing his sausage fingers at me. I guess he has already figured out I was the one behind the cucumber incident.
Oops.
“How dare you?” I explode, bending over and taking off one of my high-heels. Without even thinking about what I’m doing, I aim the damn thing at his head and just throw it. I watch as the spike on my heel flies straight to between his eyes but, somehow, he manages to dodge it at the last second.
By the time I start taking off my other shoe, Hoyt is already running toward the exit like a madman, screaming something completely unintelligible.
“Don’t you run away!” I yell as I run after him, already cocking my arm back and aiming my second shoe at his head. He escapes outside right before my shoe hits him, but he ends up walking straight into a car parked on the curb.
Falling flat on his back, he starts flapping his arms around like a drowning seagull; that, combined with the sounds coming out from his mouth...well, let’s just run with it and say that he looks like an X-rated version of the Hunchback of Notre Dame.
“Sewena! I hum sowy! Pwease, Sewena!” He manages to say as he sits up, his swollen cock now looking like a balloon that’s about to pop. Jesus, I can’t believe I’ve shared a bed with him for so long. After I’m done with this, I’ll have to take a very long shower.
“You’re done, Hoyt!” I shout at him, resisting the urge to kick him in the balls. “Forget about being my boyfriend, and forget about the business...if I ever see you around here, I’ll force a whole basket of cucumbers down your throat, you stupid asshole!”
Fuming, I’m about to return inside the spa when I notice two cops running down the street, guns drawn.
“Miss, step aside!” They yell out, pointing their guns at Hoyt.
