Page 5 of Broken Headboards
“Let’s say, huh, $25 million,” he grins, leaning back on his seat so much that, for a split second, I think he’s going to tumble back. He doesn’t, unfortunately.
“Listen, Mr. Capello—”
“Ah, please, call me Mario.” Resting his elbows on the desk, he leans toward me and gives me the creepiest wink I’ve ever gotten in my entire life. His eyebrows wiggle as he does it, and I can’t stop thinking that he looks like a half-blind manatee.
Sexy.
“That number doesn’t add up...Mario.”
“I see, I see...too much money for your company, I take it? I understand, of course. But what a shame!” Clapping his hands together, he sighs heavily, a morose expression on his face. Little does this asshole know that I have enough money to buy his entire fucking company. Lucky for him, I can’t be bothered with having to fly to Italy all the damn time. “Maybe we can make some sort of arrangement?”
“An arrangement, you say?” I mimic his body’s language, propping my elbows on the table and leaning toward him as I bat my eyelashes. This asshole wants to play games? Very well.
“Yes, Tess, an arrangement,” he whispers, his smile widening so much that I almost think he’s going to tear his mustache in half. Reaching for me, he lays his sausage fingers on top of my hand. “You see...I like you. You’re a very beautifuldonna,sì.”
“Oh, you’re going to make me blush, Mario.” I give him a shy laugh, covering my mouth as I do it. His cheeks are growing red, and even his mustache seems to be dancing over his upper lips.
“Ah, but you look so pretty when you blush,” he says, trying to be smooth but sounding like a child molester.
“Oh, Mario!” I swat his arm playfully, and then I get up from my chair sensuously. I walk around my desk, moving toward him, and his jaw hangs open as he takes in the way my tight black dress is wrapped around each and every one of my body’s curves.
“Perhaps, you’re right, Mario,” I continue, lasciviously running my tongue between my lips as I look him in the eye. Leaning toward him, I rest my hands on the armrests of his chair. His eyes dart straight to my cleavage, and his chest stops moving as he holds his breath. “Maybe we can make a special arrangement. Asecretone. How would you like that?”
“Oh.” He breathes out. “I’d like that very much.”
As I lean in even more, I see his hand moving from the corner of my eye. His fingers head straight toward my ass, but I’m faster than he expects me to be—grabbing his hand by the wrist, I push it down on the table. It slaps the wooden top with a loud bang, and then I spin around and grab the letter opener, burying its sharp tip right between his index and middle finger.
“Dios mio!” He cries out, large beads of sweat appearing on his forehead out of nowhere. “What are you doing, Tess?”
“Shut up, Mario,” I tell him, turning back to him and placing the tip of my heel right between his legs. “One wrong move and swear to God, you’ll have to call Luigi to take my shoe out of your ass.”
“You are crazy! Crazy, I tell you!”
“You want crazy?” I ask him, now my turn to grin. “If you want crazy come by on Fridays. This is just a regular Tuesday for me. Now,” I continue, reaching for his tie and pushing the knot up against his throat. “About the little arrangement you had in mind...I have a counter proposal.”
“A...a counter proposal?” He stammers, trying to suck in the air as I keep on tightening his tie.
“Yes, and I think you’ll like this one.” One more smile, and then I wink at him. I’m going to make him my little bitch. “I won’t sue you personally for sexual harassment. I’ll let you keep your balls. I won’t cut your dick off. I won’t bury your company in lawsuits for dealing in bad faith. And you give me what I want for 4 million dollars.”
He’s sputtering. So I continue. “Also, I’ll stop myself from buying every single stock I can get my hands on and prevent you from making anything. I’ll personally make it my mission to destroy your company financially and reputationally. And by the time I’m done with you, motherfucker, you won’t even be able to get a job as a plumber on a fucking video game because you’ll be castrated and homeless, you stupid, ugly piece of lying shit.”
“Okay, okay,” he starts flapping his arms, his eyes bulging as beads of sweat drip down his forehead.
“Do we have a deal?” I ask, baring my teeth.
“Deal, deal! We have a deal!” he whimpers, almost crying. Another few seconds and I think he’s going to piss himself.
“Good.” Using the tip of my foot, I give his chair a push and send the asshole spinning to the other end of my office. He crashes against the wall, stumbles onto the floor, and then rolls to his back as he loosens the knot on his tie.
“Oh, and Mario…” I say, staring at the way the letter opener seems stuck on the perfect mahogany desk. “Let’s make it $3 million. I’ll need the rest to repair this,” I finish, wrapping my fingers around the letter opener and pulling it out with a groan.
“Americani! Sono tutti pazzi!” He mutters under his breath as he finally manages to go up to his feet. We’re all crazy, he says? Well, maybe we just don’t like to be pushed around. With one hand on the wall, he starts dragging his feet toward the office’s door.
“Tutti pazziindeed,” I smile as I sit down on my chair. The CEO’S chair. As Mario pushes the door open, I give him a little wave. “Come back anytime, Mr. Capello!”
When he finally slams the door behind him, I close my eyes and let out a heavy sigh. Seems like my day job has more to do with putting up with assholes than taking executive action. Whenever guys like Mario Capello see me, they either assume I’m a secretary or that I’m some trust fund kid.
Well, I’m neither.
