Page 14 of Shelter for the Mountain Man
“I knew Jax’s wife a little. She was nice, but she didn’t hang with the cool crowd either. Mom got me clothes from the thrift store, so I’d fit in. But one of the girls recognized one of the dresses I wore to school and made sure all the kids knew I was wearing her hand me downs. I went back to my normal jeans and T-shirts after that.”
“What about boyfriends?”
“One guy my last year of high school.”
I study my coffee.
He studies me.
His hand tightens around his mug. “What did he do?”
“He broke up with his girlfriend and started sitting at the same table where I always ate my lunch alone. He told me howheartbroken he was and how nice it was to sit with a normal girl. A couple weeks later, he asked me out. I met him at an open field on the mountain outside of town for a picnic. The next week he invited me again. After a few weeks he started pushing for sex. After a couple of months I gave in. Then he proudly told me that he won the bet that he could bust my cherry first and I could expect a lot more dates from his buddies.”
“The little bastard. Does he still live in Kennedy?” Spade’s knuckles are white on the mug he’s gripping.
“It’s okay. I took care of it.”
“Tell me.”
“I kicked him in his balls and pulled my skinner from my backpack. Told him if I heard he told anyone, he wouldn’t have to worry about using his tiny little dick again, because it would be mine.”
“That’s it? You let him walk away?”
“I told Mom. She made some calls. He went to live with his grandparents. No one asked me out again. My classmates didn’t realize I wasn’t eighteen yet.”
His laughter does something funny to my chest.
“You are amazing. Damn, it makes me happy you kicked his ass. If I ever need someone to watch my back, it’s you.”
His praise feels good. Mom didn’t raise me to depend on someone else, especially a man. Spade isn’t intimidated or concerned that I can handle the goats better or hold my own here on my farm. He’s the kind of man that would make a good partner.
I take another sip of coffee. Marble comes and lies his head on my thigh. “On the top shelf in the pantry there’s a blue tin of doggie treats. Would you grab six. And the red tin has people treats. While you do that, I’ll warm our coffee.”
Topping off our cups I find myself wishing he was interested in me. Handsome, built, kind, easy going. The kind of man whodoesn’t try to dominate. The kind that works with you. I could learn from him.
I’d like to try sex again with something warmer than BOB, my battery-operated boyfriend. But I’m afraid. The rejection hurt more than I’ve ever admitted, even to Mom.
I’m not hiding here at the cabin, but I’m also not putting myself out there either. Since Mom moved to town, she’s tried to set me up with men she’s met. I know she worries that I’m alone.
It’s not the living alone. It’s the being alone. Facing a bear scares me less than putting myself out there with another human. Waking up this morning with Spade snuggled against me felt exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.
Marble sits in front of me, waiting for his treats. Brownie does the same to Spade when he returns. He follows my lead and both dogs seem content with the outcome as we hand out the goodies.
He takes a cookie from the red tin. “Peanut butter chocolate fudge!” He holds the can to his chest. “What are you having?”
I laugh. “Give me two. We’ll make more tomorrow.”
Nodding, he stuffs another bite in his mouth and turns to start the dishes while I put the leftovers away. Together we make one last round of the livestock and the barn. He insists on carrying in another two loads of wood.
“Do you mind if I take a shower? I think I smell like a goat.”
I laugh. “That’s because you do. Your clothes are clean and on top the washer in the pantry. I gave you another pair of sweats for sleep. When you’re done, I’ll take mine and then rewrap your arm.”
He nods, grabs the clothes and disappears into the bathroom.
I watch him go. Taking my cup, I stand in front of the window staring into the distance without seeing.I want him. I want to make love with him.
Am I doing this? Am I really going to do this?
