Page 98 of Heir of Fire
“Are you okay?” Finn asked.
He lifted his head, looking beaten. “I will be.”
“She’s okay now. I’ll be here with her. Go take time for yourself.”
He nodded, standing. Allister began walking but stopped directly in front of them. “Thank you,” he said, offering out a hand.
Finn took it, shaking his hand and creating an understanding between them. Allister shut the door behind him, leaving the two alone in the room.
“Princess?” he asked, pulling away slightly. “Do you feel alright? Do you need a doctor?”
She shook her head, looking up at him. Her eyes were red and her makeup was smeared, but she still looked every bit as beautiful as she always did. “No, I only really stopped breathing once you walked in. I should be okay.”
He shook his head. “What happened? What triggered it?” When Gianna’s lip started to tremble again, he almost wished he hadn’t asked at all. “Take a deep breath,” he said, immediately getting her to breathe when he could tell she was closing herself off again.
She did just that, taking a few deep inhales before she started talking. “She said she wanted to be a family again. I couldn’t believe it, and just sitting there hearing that, it solidified that I couldn’t do those visits anymore. I don’t want to be called upon when she’s ready for a family and then be put back on the shelf when she decides she doesn’t want one anymore. Allister said the same. Then she just left. Just like that. No sorry, nothing about how much she loves us, nothing.”
“I’m so sorry, Gianna.”
And he truly was. He couldn’t begin to imagine how she was feeling: the shock, the grief, the heartbreak. She had lost her mother. Not to death, but to life.
“I was fine until we almost got here and then it started. The panic, the suffocation, the anguish. She just left and it’s done. And I’ll never have that mother figure like I wanted, like I needed, and I just have to live with that now. And it hurts so bad, Finn. It hurts so much worse than the stupid visits and I don’t want it to hurt,” she cried out, holding onto him like he was a lifebuoy ring, and she was out in the middle of the ocean.
“It hurts bad now, but it will hurt less and less. I promise you, Gianna, this pain will fade until one day you wake up, and you don’t feel it like you used to. You did what you had to for yourself, and I am so proud of you. You are so strong and courageous,” he said.
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. You don’t have to see it right now, but you are.”
“Just don’t go anywhere, please,” she said, looking up at him.
He pushed back her hair and wiped the tears under her eyes. “There’s no way in hell I’m leaving your side. I’m with you for the rest of our lives, princess. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
And eventually she stopped crying. When she did, he took them to his room. He helped her shower and wipe the makeup off her face. He did her skincare for her after having memorized it from watching her get ready all those times. He brushed her hair and found her favorite pair of pajamas. He helped her into bed and then ordered her favorite pasta from a place in the city. He watched the stupid vampire romance movies she was obsessed with and rubbed her back until she fell asleep.
And he would do it for her again and again and again.
FORTY-FOUR
GIANNA
A busy schedulewas inconvenient when Gianna was barely holding on as it was. She managed to scrape by on her finals, which was a miracle, but with the show a week away, she was now thrown into full-day practices.
It was grueling and exhausting, but while she pirouetted around the dance floor on the tips of her toes, she managed to ease her aching heart. There were so many times that she wondered if she’d made the right decision. She knew deep down that she did, but the pain she kept feeling made her keep rethinking it. She just thought back to what Finn had said. That the pain would hurt now, but it would fade. And the pain was terrible. But so was every visit when she had to see Giulia leave again and again. The permanency of it was what hurt the most, but it was fading.
Very, very, very slowly.
The first day she woke up after it, she felt like a zombie. The girls came in and tried to cheer her up, which she appreciated, but just wasn’t in the mood for. Finn stayed by her side and fed her all her favorite foods and let her watch her favorite movies and reality shows while rotting in bed. He got someone to clean up her room too. Without Finn, she didn’t think she would havebeen able to get through any of it. He was her anchor the entire time, being understanding of the entire process even if it wasn’t linear and didn’t make the most sense.
She managed to get over hating looking at herself in the mirror, which was a relief. It always lingered after her breakdowns when she felt disgusting for letting herself get to that point. But getting over it meant that some things were at least getting a little bit better.
The rest of the week, she went to her classes and to practice, then immediately threw herself into bed once it was all over. She even managed to get ice cream with the girls the other day. Slowly, Gianna was getting back to herself. It was definitely taking time, but she was getting there.
She hadn’t seen much of Allister since that day. He had been avoiding pretty much everyone. Luckily, she had gotten him to agree to a hangout with everyone tonight at the house with takeout and drinks to celebrate classes officially being over. There was no doubt that he wasn’t in the partying mood, but she was worried about him.
Gianna managed to put on an outfit that was more put together than the sweatpants and T-shirts she had been wearing all week. Finn was leaving the office late, so she got ready in her room alone. She managed to turn on some music, shower, do her makeup and hair, and then put on blue mom jeans with a tight pink shirt on top. There was something cathartic about doing her makeup and getting ready like that.
