Page 105 of Memories By the Shore
“Will it?” She paces back and forth in front of me. “Because I’m starting to think it might not be.”
“It will.”
“Have you been taking your meds?”
I want to tell her so badly, but the truth is—I haven’t. I’ve been so happy that I thought I was better with everything between us. I thought I could handle it. And now that I’m thinking about it, no wonder why I’m crashing so hard right now. It’s been a little over a week since my last pill, and usually, by now, I start to feel all the physical and mental symptoms much more heightened.
“I’ve got it handled, okay?” I snap.
“You don’t.” She lowers to the bed, taking the space next to me but maintaining at least a foot between us. “You’re struggling.”
“I told you, it will pass. It always does.”
Her hands swipe the wetness under her eyes. “If we want to build a life together, I need to be able to trust you.”
“You can.”
“I can’t.”
I exhale a heavy sigh in frustration. I hate that we’re going through this. I hate that I have this darkness I can’t control.
“I’m sorry. I can’t control it,” I plead.
“Yes, you can,” she spits. “You can take the medication your body desperately needs.”
“It’s not that simple,” I mumble, resting my head in my hands.
“What do you think would happen to someone with epilepsy who stopped taking their medications?”
“It’s not the—”
“They’d start having seizures again.” She steps forward, then drops to her knees in front of me. “You have an illness. Treat it like one.”
My head aches. “Fine, Avery.”
“I needed you.” Her shoulders bounce as the sobs come once again. “And you weren’t there.”
I wrap an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into me. She continues to cry into my chest.
Fuck.
“I lost our baby.” She heaves, falling into my lap. Her face was buried in her hands. “I didn’t grow up with loving parents. This was my one chance to create the family I never had, and I ruined it.”
“This is not your fault.”
“I never should have believed I could have a life like that,” she says. “I went against my better judgment and got swept away in love and the dream that now seems impossible.”
Frustration crawls up my spine. The heat is unbearable as I muster everything to fight for her. “We do love each other, and you do deserve a life that you want.”
“I don’t want to be alone anymore.”
“You’re not going to be. I’m here.”
“But you’re not,” she mutters.
“I’m sorry.” Depression or not, Avery has to choose me. Yes, I come with the constant fear of a black cloud lurking for a storm to brew. I don’t know what it’s like for her to be experiencing this loss, but what I do know is that I have to handle it myself as well. And right now, I have no fucking idea what to do. Defeated,I offer her the only real thing that pumps through my veins. “I love you with all that I have.”
Her neck jerks away, allowing me to catch a glimpse of her side profile. Her cheeks are shiny with moisture, and pain overcomes her usual bright hazel-green eyes. “I love you, too, but I also love me.”
