Page 126 of Memories By the Shore
Here’s my time, to be honest. Tell him everything.Deep breaths.
“The thing is, Dave, I’ve never been able to give my heart to you fully.” I pause to gulp a generous sip of my old-fashioned that was just placed on the table. “You did nothing wrong. It’s not you.”
“Then what is it?” he pressures.
“We both deserve to be able to give our whole heart to someone, ya know?”
“That’s what I thought we did.” His eyes soften slightly. “I care for you, Avery.”
“But are we really in love?” I ask. “Or has it been just something easy?”
“That’s what I need,” he replies matter-of-factly. “I need a wife who wants her own space and isn’t overly emotional about things. You’re never bothered when I work late or if I’m grabbing a beer with my friends.” He goes on to attempt to list my positive qualities, but they only act as a reminder that I’ve never been completely invested in this relationship.
“Aren’t couples supposed towantto spend a lot of time together?” I challenge. A brief silence settles between us as our food arrives. We both take a few bites before I decide to continue. “It’s not fair of me to marry you, knowing I don’t feel that palpable tension and desperation to be with you. You as well, apparently.”
He tosses his napkin into his lap. “People aren’t really like that. Marriage is transactional. It’s a partnership in life and not about that romantic stuff you see in movies and TV.” This is Dave. A perfect summation of his view on life and love. But I know marriage can be so much more.
I ignore his condescending comment. “Dave, I want to be madly in love with the man I’m married to, and I want him to be madly in love with me.”
“At some point, maybe we will?”
What? No. That’s not how love should be.I’m getting nowhere with these points because none of them would be deal-breakersfor him. I need to be more honest than I want to be.
“I can’t marry you because my heart already belongs to someone else.” Even with the confidence I try to elude, my words still appear insecure and small. Shoving my hands underneath my legs, I wait for his response.
Dave stiffens. His jaw clenches, and he leans forward as if not hearing me clearly the first time. “Fuck, Avery.”
The emotional weight of the past eight years crushes my chest, forcing a breath. “I gave my heart away long ago, and he’s never given it back.”
“Does this have to do with your trip to California?” he accuses, the vein on his left temple being more pronounced than before.
I promised myself I’d tell him the truth. Some details will stay with me, but he deserves to know the rest.I’d want to.
“Yes.” I nod, swallowing hard. “So, the reason why I had to fly out there was because I’m already married.”
The color drains from Dave’s face. “What?”
“I got married when I was eighteen. Right after my parents died.”
“And you’ve been married this whole time?”
“Yes,” I admit but quickly explain more. “But we haven’t been together or even spoken with each other since then.”
Dave’s head falls back as his hands come up to cover his face. “Don’t you think this is something you should have said a year ago when we started dating?”
Valid question.“Yes. But we were just casual most of the time when we were together. It only just recently became serious—”
“After I proposed?”
Nodding, Irub my lips together. “Yeah.”
“I don’t even know what to say right now,” I say, dropping his fork into the salad bowl. “I need to get out of here. I need to process this.”
My chest is tight. Despite my feelings toward Dave, this is a very difficult and emotional situation for both of us. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine,” he rushes out, trying to maintain his composure. “Can I have my ring back?”
“Yes,” I say. A tear of sadness rolls down my cheek. I bring my arm up to the table to remove it, but from the corner of my eye, I catch Dave’s arm extending. He clasps my hand in his. Staring down at the beautiful pear-cut diamond on my finger, a flash of sorrow changes his expression.
