Page 39 of Memories By the Shore
“I had no idea where it was. My friend booked it for me.” I make sure to emphasize that I didn’t consciously do it.
“What areyoudoing later?” he asks, ignoring my last comment.
“Uh.” Caught off guard, I stumble over my words. “Um, nothing.”Waiting for you to sign my divorce papers.
“I have to get over to the town square to help with setup,” he tells me. Then I see him wave in my direction, walking down the beach with his surfboard tucked under his arm. “But I’d love to show you something later, if you’re up for it?”
He wants to show me something?I don’t think I trust myself alone with him. We’ll end up fucking or getting into a fight. Neither of which will lead to getting these divorce papers signed.
I sigh, watching as he trudges through the sand toward hishouse. “I don’t think so.”
“Come on,” he pushes. “Maybe if you give me what I want, I’ll give you what you want.”Classic Jasper.
I roll my eyes, but my stomach flutters. “Okay, well, bye,” I blurt out, hurrying off the phone.
“Wait … Avery?”
“Yeah, I’ll go. It’s fine.”
“Good.”
“Okay, bye.”
“Wait …”
I huff. “Yes?”
“I know after all this time, you’ve been with other men, but nothing has made me sleep better at night than knowing I had you first.” He drops those words with pride.
I’m speechless.
“See you at four,” he states before ending the call.
Dammit.
Chapter Twelve
Then
Avery
My eyes bore into the tiny surfboard hands on the clock on the far side of the store. Four o’clock can’t come soon enough. Nine more minutes until I see Jasper. My stomach flutters, and my hands sweat with anticipation of touching him. We don’t make plans to see each other anymore, it’s become something we now both understand. But today, as I’m riding this high of life, I also carry a weight.
Today is,was,my mother’s birthday.
“Anxious?” Cassie smacks her gum, smirking at me.
“Maybe.”
“I’d be anxious, too, if I got to hook up with a guy like Jasper Collins,” she playfully quips, climbing onto the ladder to change the sale sign.
Her comment reminds me that Jasper and I haven’t had sex. It’s not that I don’t want to, because hell, I want to more than anything. I’m worried about the feelings that come when a girl loses her virginity. Jasper and I are having fun right now, and it’s great.
What if when he finds out that I’ve never had sex, he freaks out? What if he doesn’t want to see me anymore because of the pressure that might put on him? On the other hand, I could give myself to him, and then everything intensifies. Or worse, what if it’s harder for me to leave for college?
Today, being my mother’s birthday, I wonder what it would be like if my mom was still around to give me advice. But with that same fleeting thought comes the reality of who my mother was and how I barely knew her. I can’t remember a single birthday we spent together.
Why aren’t I more upset about losing my parents?Maybe my soul matches the clothes I wear—dark and ominous like the girls in elementary school used to say? I push that thought aside. I’m too old to think like that anymore.
