Page 95 of Ashes
I grabbed my fork and cut a piece of my omelet. I brought the piece to my mouth, hoping to buy myself some time.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell her, but that I didn’t know what to say. Yes, Jamal and I had sex. Yes, I’d lost my virginity. But it was so much more.
I wasn’t supposed to care about him. He’d forced me into this union, threatened my family if I didn’t, and turned my life upside down.
I hadn’t given myself the chance to think about the changing nature of our relationship. But with time, Jamal’s mask had fallen away, revealing more and more of who he was, and…
I shook myself out of my thoughts and finally looked at Esra again, only to find her on her phone. Before I got to ask her what she was doing, her phone lit up with an incoming video chat call from our newly wedded friend.
“Esra.”
She simply shrugged and answered, Kenna’s face filling the screen. Esra scooted closer and held her phone between us so we could both be on the screen.
“You hadsex?” Kenna asked without preamble.
I groaned. “Hi, Kenna.”
“Let’s skip the formalities.” Kenna shifted and I caught a glimpse of her white nightgown. She reached out of the frame and put on her glasses. Making herself comfortable, she sat up in her bed and said, “Tell us everything.”
I was sweating.
“Aren’t you supposed to be enjoying time with your new husband?” I said, deflecting.
“Oh, he doesn’t mind. Don’t you, Shareef?” She tilted the camera to the side, showing a glimpse of her husband half-asleep. He gave a noncommittal wave and mumbled something resembling a “no” before she brought the camera back on her.
“So did he make it good for you?” Kenna continued.
I let out another sigh.
“It was fine,” I downplayed.
Both Kenna and Esra spoke at the same time.
Esra turned to look at me, her brows furrowed. “Fine?”
“Just fine?” Kenna added, shocked. “I thought that looking likethat, it would at least be good, not ‘fine.’”
I leaned back against the vinyl booth, throwing my head back, and closed my eyes. “Ugh.” I sat back up straight. “Okay, it was amazing. Actually, it was better than amazing. It was…”
“Oh, he has a magical dick,” Esra quipped, her eyes glittering with laughter.
I pinned Esra with a glare. “Esra.”
“Esra,” she mimicked me. “Stop saying my name like that. I’m just telling the truth. You should see the look on your face,” she noted, amused. “He must have rocked your world.”
Shaking my head, I huffed out a laugh. He had indeed.
Kenna’s expression turned serious. “So now what?” Kenna asked the same question I’d been asking myself since this morning.
“Buzzkill,” Esra said, rolling her eyes.
“Well, someone has to ask the question,” Kenna replied, defending her stance.
“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully, averting my gaze.
“Do you…” Kenna trailed off.
I took a deep breath, knowing exactly what she was asking.
