Page 122 of Ashes
I wanted to be within immediate reach if she ever needed me.
All I could do during that time was play with her ring, which felt like a leaden weight in between my fingers.
Please let her be okay.
It’d been two hours. Two hours since I’d held her. Two hours since she’d died in my arms. And these last two hours had been the longest of my life, every second stretching into endless more.
Her vitals were all over the place when they wheeledher into the emergency room and started working on her, but since then, I hadn’t received any updates.
Countless healthcare workers had passed in front of me, but none were from my wife’s medical team. I wanted to march in there and demand answers but refrained, choosing logic over emotion and knowing I would get updates when they had them.
My phone had been ringing constantly since we’d come in, but I let every call go to voicemail, not ready to talk to anyone.
I hadn’t stepped foot in a hospital since I was discharged from one twenty years ago. I never thought I’d be back here, covered in the guilt of being the reason the woman I loved was here, waiting to see if she was alive.
Despite the noises, everything around me felt too quiet, but my thoughts were the loudest noise of all.
Leaning forward, I buried my face in my hands.
I did this. I did this.Idid this.
“Jamal,” a deep, familiar voice said and I raised my head to see my uncle walking down the hallway toward me.
My eyes widened, surprised to see him. “Noah? What are you doing here?” I asked when he made it to where I was sitting.
He lowered himself down next to me. “My nephew needed me. Why wouldn’t I be here?”
I looked away. “You didn’t have to come.”
“I wanted to,” he said immediately. His hand cuppedthe back of my head, the way he always did when I was a kid when he wanted to let me know he was there for me.
I glanced back at him, giving him a small nod in acknowledgment.
“Any news?”
Letting out an anguished sigh, I ran a hand over my head. “None since we walked in.”
“How long has it been?”
One hour, fifty-seven minutes and thirty-three seconds.
I rubbed a hand over my heart. “Almost two hours.”
Silence fell between us as I kept counting the passing minutes, tallying them to my previous count.
“What happened?” he asked after a few moments.
I knew he would ask, but I didn’t have an answer. How could I explain to the man who had raised me that my wife was in the hospital because of me? Because of my need for revenge for the death of my parents.
Because of what he’d kept from me.
I would have been angry at him for lying to me all these years, but I had no energy left in me. Besides, I knew deep down that he wouldn’t keep something from me out of selfishness.
He’d only do it to protect me.
“There was a fire and she…” I paused, emotions welling up in my throat, choking the words I wanted to say. “It was my fault and Sienna got wrapped into it.”
“I don’t understand.”
