Page 30 of Burdens
The stench of ammonia caught my nostrils and I scrunched my nose, brushing a finger underneath my nose to help alleviate the burning smell. Sabiri shuffled to put the lock on the door and lock it with a key before he hurried toward them.
Once they shut the steel door, I groaned and scooted myself toward the back wall. I rested my back against it and reached for the hem of my shirt, tore a piece from it and tied it around my thigh.
All I had to hope for now was that it didn’t get infected before I got out of here.
I was furious that she’d cut me but still impressed nonetheless. She never backed down from striking my nerves and I liked it, I always did. That’s what was so frustrating about her.
No matter how many times I’d told myself that I had to stay away, it just pushed me to want more.
1 Hurry up, Sabiri.
2 Yes, Mr. Hamza.
CHAPTER 8
NOAH (PAST)
Every timeI pounded on the heavy bag, my knuckles stung from the cuts already there with how often I came here at night over the last eight weeks to clear my mind.
No one ever used this room since it was a little far out at the back of the main building, which meant it was perfect for me.
The sound of my fists hitting the leather, over and over again, echoed through the room and provided a short relief for my mind, but it had never been loud enough to drown out my thoughts.
But at least, the harder I hit, the more occupied my hands were from doing something stupid like sending her a text message—her number was in her file—or knocking on her door.
I kept pummeling my fist against the punching bag, letting thiscravingI had for her melt into anger. Anger at these foreign andintenseemotions Amalia stirred in me. At the confusion I felt between the urge to both push her farther away yet at the same time wanting to grab her face between my palms and crush my lips to hers every time she walked into the room.
Anger that I wanted a woman I shouldn’t want.
I sounded like a broken record and it felt like she might be the only solution to fixing this problem I seemed to have. I shouldn’t be this obsessed with someone when I barely spent any time with them.
Maybe I needed her to reject me or say something that would shut whatever malfunctioning gate of emotions she appeared to have fucking turned on. This proximity I had to her every day was not good for me because it kept making me realize one thing I didn’t want to think too much about.
I didn’t want to feel whatever the hell I was feeling for her. It wasn’t even because of her, she was… perfect.
But I wasn’t, I was…
Tainted.
Besides, this wasn’t healthy. I meant, really. Thisfeelingdistracted me in class because I could barely stop myself from looking at her any chance I got. And I didn’t get distracted.
That kind of thing didn’t happen to me. I was clear-minded and focused.
Yet she fucked that up too and even the hardest workout bag didn’t seem to stop the frustration I felt against not being able to fix whatever issue I seemed to be experiencing.
“Agh,” I screamed in frustration as I picked up the pace, letting loose a cascade of punches on the heavy bag, each strike harder than the last.
The blaring ring of a phone sounded throughout the room, temporarily pulling me out of my chaotic thoughts. I threw one last punch and briefly collapsed against the leather before backing away from it, shaking out my hands.
I then walked over to the wooden bench where my duffel bag was sitting and grabbed my phone. I answered on the third ring, not looking at the caller ID. “Brown,” I answered, annoyance still coursing through my veins.
“Is that any way to greet your mother, Noah?” My mother lightly scolded me over the line and the sound of her voice reminded me of how much I’d missed it.
I closed my eyes and sighed. “Lo siento, mamá?1. I didn’t know it was you. Everything okay?” Her voice sounded a little weaker than usual, but I brushed it off because knowing her, she was probably overworking herself at the diner even though she didn’t have to.
“Does a mother need something to be wrong to call her dear son?” I could hear the smile in her voice and it calmed whatever restlessness that was drowning me.
Nothing settled me more than hearing her voice. That was my mother’s superpower. No matter how far apart we were or how long it had been since we’d last talked, she always soothed whatever I was feeling.
