Page 70 of Burdens
CHAPTER 19
AMALIA (PRESENT)
A riotof emotions blasted over me and hit me so fast I could barely identify how his confessions made me feel. I hadn’tfeltthis much or quite frankly anything aside from numbness, annoyance, or anger in a very long time.
I didn’t know what to do with this resurgence of emotions, whatevertheywere.
His proximity and the determination in his eyes made my breath falter as I stared at him. I found myself internally battling between pushing him away and telling him I wanted nothing to do with him and just giving him a chance to redeem himself.
I’d spent the major part of the last decade building walls around my heart, creating a refuge within myself to never be hurt again.
I’d buried my feelings and convinced myself that they were no longer there because it was easier to deceive myself that they’d never existed than deal with the pain.
Can’t feel something you convinced your brain didn’t happen.
Only the pain was never expunged. I’d just grown to sort it as an inconvenience.
My heart raced at higher speeds the longer I looked at him on his knees. I could hear the remorse in his words, see the vulnerability in his position. I couldfeelthe sincerity in his pleading eyes.
He made my skin flame ablaze, but him being on his knees was about him letting me know that he was surrendering control, something neither of us was very good at.
I was still so mad at him, but I was just as tired of fighting him. Tired of telling myself that I didn’t miss him, that I didn’tcravehim.
I knew that if I told him I wanted nothing to do with him, he would respect my wishes no matter how gutting my decision would render him.
But I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. I’d be lying to both of us if I did. Because truthfully, I still loved him. As livid as I was with him for leaving and not trusting me, my heart still belonged to him.
I loved this man and I was so fucking tired of convincing myself otherwise.
I lowered to my knees and cupped his face in my hands. “Okay,” I said, the word so low I was surprised he’d heard me.
“Okay?” he said, his voice thick with emotions, but despite the hesitation in his tone, he leaned into my touch.
I brought my forehead to his and whispered what we both needed to hear. “This is far from me forgiving you, but I’m tired of pretending I don’t love you.”
He met my gaze hesitantly, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. He reached up and placed his palms over mine as if to confirm that mine were truly there. “You do?” he questioned tentatively.
I’d known Noah was different the moment I’d laid eyes on him in that bar. But over the weeks that followed, he’d turned into something more.
From the fleeting glances, to the stolen kisses and touches and the week we’d spent at his place, I’d grown to know that he was it for me.
That despite the frustration he’d always seemed to rile up in me, I knew I’d fallen in love with him.
Completely and irrevocably.
I gave him a small nod. “I love you, Noah,” I told him, my voice a mere whisper.
The words had barely left my lips when I realized I’d never said them to anyone before. Sure, I’d told my sister and brother that I loved them, but the weight they carried as I confessed them to Noah felt… heavier.
I wasn’t the greatest with words and there was a lot more I’d wanted to tell him, but those three little words were the most I could manage right now.
I slid my fingers into his hair and closed the remaining gap between us, pressing my lips to his, the single contact seeming to alter everything in a heartbeat.
Our kisses had always felt different, but this one ignited something I’d kept buried deep inside me for far too long.
This kiss felt all-consuming.
My fingers gripped at the strands at his nape while his arms circled around my waist, his hands tightly gripping my hips.
