Page 79 of Burdens
NOAH (PRESENT)
Amalia had fallenasleep in my arms shortly after, her breathing now even as I continued drawing small circles against her bare back. She usually wasn’t much of a cuddler—always preferring her space—but I loved that she hadn’t moved from my side, her arms and legs clutched to my side.
Meanwhile, I couldn’t bring myself to sleep despite it being well past midnight and knowing how trying tomorrow would be.
What if all of this was a dream and I woke up tomorrow, back in the same cell where I’d spent so much of my childhood and the memories of her telling me she loved me was simply that—a memory.
I gently pulled her tighter against me, trying not to think about how empty my arms would feel without her in them.
On top of that, the thought of facing Jamal and telling him everything plagued my mind. Where did I even start? Would he understand why I’d kept everything a secret? Would he forgive me?
Or would he never speak to me again and cast me out of his life? Especially after what happened to his wife a few weeks ago.
Even if he excused me for keeping my connection to my father from him, would he forgive me for what happened to Sienna?
My brain imagined all the possible worst outcomes because they felt like the most plausible scenarios. And I didn’t know if I’d be able to survive it.
When Ayoub’s lawyers had initially informed me that I was meant to become his guardian, I’d almost run for the hills because I wasn’t a paternal figure. I was barely a kid myself.
Besides, with the father I had, how could I even be put in a position to raise a kid?
Fun uncle I could do. But becoming a parental figure wasn’t something I’d ever truly thought of. Maybe in a very far future, I’d come to terms with what had happened to me as a kid and would be willing to revisit the thought of having my own, but I wasn’t there at the time.
But the moment I’d laid eyes on Jamal lying in a hospital bed, I knew I couldn’t abandon him because of my own fears. And if I was being honest with myself, I also felt an immense amount of guilt because even if I hadn’t set fire to the flame that ravaged their home, I was responsible for his parents’ deaths.
My father had meant to sendmea message—stop meddling in my affairs and with my empire.
Ayoub and I had been so close to finally unraveling my father’s cartel until the informant I’d secured to testify against him turned up dead. Then a few hours later, my phone had rung with an anonymous text message to inform me that I’d regret ever coming after them.
Next thing I knew, I was racing through the streets of Sardenya toward Aguerd’s house, only to find it crumbling under vivid flames.
I’d tried to get everyone out, but I’d barely gotten Jamal out of there when the roof collapsed, leaving me no chance to go back inside.
Looking after Jamal had been hard at first, especially with his recurrent night terrors from reliving the fire. I’d aimed to do my best to help him through his loss without crossing the line or taking over the place his parents had and would always have.
I hadn’t known Ayoub and Nina for very long, but I’d always made sure to share everything I knew about them or the moments we’d share with Jamal so that he felt them even if they were gone.
And over the years, I’d grown very fond of him and considered him as if he were my own. He became family and was all I had for a long time, until I met the woman currently sleeping peacefully in my arms.
So the thought of losing him was unfathomable.
A heavy sigh left my chest and I pushed the thought aside, knowing that it would be to no avail, making my mind run a hundred miles an hour with countless scenarios when I’d know my answer soon enough.
Instead, I watched the mounted wall clock next to the wooden door tick the hours away until darkness gave away to light, a sliver illuminating the bedroom.
I felt Amalia stirring next to me and pulled her tighter against me, hunching down to press kisses all over her face. She kept her eyes closed, but I knew she was already awake and fighting a smile.
My hand that was on her back drifted down and over the curvature of her ass, brushing featherlight touches with my fingertips.
“I know you’re awake,” I said with a kiss to her lips.
She groaned against my lips.
I moved my hand farther down and brought her body further up against mine.
Her groan quickly turned into a low moan when my middle and index finger brushed against her entrance from the back, gliding inside ever so slightly and so easily with her being wet already.
“Are you sure you’re not awake?” I whispered against Amalia’s lips, still pressed to mine. I swirled some of her wetness already pooling there around my finger and ran it up to her back entrance.
