Page 102 of Burdens
The usual anxiety whenever I’d been here and that made me want to turn around and delay clearing this place out started creeping up my chest, but I pushed it back, grounding myself in Amalia’s touch on my skin as I let out a deep breath.
“Yeah,” I finally said, stepping inside with her by my side. “I am.”
We had spent hours and hours going through all of my mother’s things with Amalia, putting anything I’d wanted to keep in a separate box.
Once we’d been done, I’d said a final goodbye to the place and, with Amalia’s hand in mine, walked to the car and had driven to our final stop before we’d head home.
I crouched down in front of the grave and stared at my mother’s name engraved on the granite tombstone. I hesitantly ran my fingers over her name, each embossed letter a painful reminder of her absence.
This was my first time seeing it again after her funeral and grief squeezed around my ribcage, unsure of what to say.
“Hey,mamá,” I began, my voice cracking at the end with emotion. I paused, struggling to find the words. I took a deep breath and continued, “I’m sorry for not coming sooner. I wanted to, but…”
My voice faltered because there weren’t any excuses that could justify my absence. I’d wanted to come so many times, but every time I’d tried, I couldn’t bring myself to.
Being here always felt like too much to brave on my own.
The ache around my chest tightened as I said the next words. “Te echo de menos?1.Every day. I won’t hide the fact that I’m still a little mad at you for not telling me about what was happening. I can’t blame you for wanting to pass on your own terms, but I wish you’d given me the chance to say goodbye.”
I swallowed against the lump in my throat.
“It’s finally over,mamá. He’s gone and I guess we can both be free now, wherever you are. I know I am.”
Tears welled in my eyes, but I pushed them back down.
“Remember when you told me about finding someone. Well, I actually had at the time. Let’s just say I’d been a little stubborn to realize it, but she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. Well, after you of course.”
That last part garnered me a small laugh from Amalia. She’d been standing at the gate of the small enclosure I was inside, close enough to hear me this whole time, but she hadn’t said or moved to give me space with my mother, but still there if I needed.
“The way I’d originally planned this was a lot different than this, but I’d really like for you to meet the love of my life.” I glanced over my shoulder. “Would you like to meet her, baby?”
She nodded. “I’d love to,” she said, approaching where I was.
I’d always wanted them to meet, but life just had other plans. Despite not this being the way I’d imagined their first encounter to be, my heart still soared at the sight of Amalia sitting next to me.
And I joined her.
“Hi, I’m Amalia, the love of your son’s life apparently,” she teased, briefly glancing at me before bringing her gaze to my mother’s headstone. “You raised a good man, and despite his occasional flaws, he’s all right,” she said, nudging me with her shoulder.
I raised a brow. “Oh yeah, I’m just all right?”
“Most times,” she said, letting out a small laugh.
I leaned closer to whisper in her ear, “I’ll teach you what ‘all right’ is later.”
Amalia cleared her throat. “In all seriousness, he’s also the love of my life. I wish I could have met you so I could have told you this in person, well, I guess I am, but thank you for protecting and taking care of him the way you did.”
If I wasn’t already madly in love with this woman, I’d fall in love with her all over again. I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve Amalia, but I’d cherish every second of it.
She made me feel loved and valued, and there was no greater gift
Knowing the cemetery was about to close, I stood and brushed the dust off my pants. I offered my hand to Amalia to help her stand. She took it and as she got up, I used my palms to brush the dust off her backside selfishly.
Amalia took her hand from mine and pushed against the one, slowly brushing the curvature of her ass. “Stop it. Your mom’s right here.”
My shoulder shook with laughter. “Oh, she doesn’t mind,” I started, looking back at my mother’s grave. “Right, Mom?”
Amalia smacked my shoulder. “Noah.”
