Page 78 of Burdens
In the past, I used to wonder if it would have been easier if his wishhadcome true. I’d used to think that maybe the wretched memories that coated my soul like a second skin wouldn’t be painful anymore and I’d be granted some peace.
No one ever prepared you to receive the hate of another person, especially when that person was your own flesh and blood. I’d never understood what I’d done to garner such hatred from him, from my own father.
But then I learned that I wasn’t the problem.
Hewas.
His anger wasn’t rooted in something I’d done or who I was, but was a reflection of sick demons he harbored and I wasn’t responsible for that.
It took me a long time to recognize it, but just because you realized something, didn’t mean you believed it. It would take a lot more than therapy sessions for me to eventually heal, but everything needed a start.
“My mom got us away the night he tried to have me killed, with my uncle Reda’s help. They kept me hidden for years until we moved back to the country under the Bureau’s protection. The rest is history.”
I sighed, feeling slightly relieved. Telling someone, tellingher, alleviated a little of the weight I’d always carried.
Sharing my past with someone I loved felt… freeing in some way.
Amalia’s right hand moved to rest against my heart. I brought my own hand up and placed it above hers. My thumb brushed over her knuckles, briefly bringing our joined hands to my lips to kiss her fingers before placing it back where it was, right where it belonged.
I hope she knows it’s all hers.
I could sense her eyes were on me, but I still couldn’t bring myself to look at her and she didn’t push me to. I already was in love with her and didn’t think it would be possible to love her more, but the space she was giving me to do whatever I felt comfortable with made me fall for her just a little harder.
My stomach was in knots, waiting for what she’d say, and when I finally mustered the courage to look at her, she wasn’t looking at me.
Instead, her gaze was fixed on my neck.
My heart was beating out of my chest when one of her fingers traveled toward the base of my neck. I shuddered when the pads of her fingertips briefly grazed against the large scar there before she pressed her lips to it in a gentle kiss.
“You’re beautiful,” she whispered against my skin and I closed my eyes briefly before opening them again, letting out a deep breath.
She pulled herself higher onto my chest and took my face in her hands with such gentleness, my heart tightened at the gesture. She simply gazed at me for a moment, with so muchadoration despite the anguish she was hiding underneath from my revelations.
“Just because your father didn’t believe it, doesn’t mean you weren’t worthy of love because you needed to be without fault. He was wrong. Being loved isn’t about being perfect or should ever be conditional. Being loved is about accepting the other person in their entirety and loving every piece of them.”
She brought my forehead to hers and briefly kissed me before continuing. “I love you, Noah. I love you because of you. I love every part, no matter how much you may think it’s too damaged or too broken.”
The way she looked at me was almost too painful. This beautiful human was all mine.
I leaned in to kiss her and tell her I loved her just as equally, if not more, when she spoke again. “Besides, your dad’s an asshole, so fuck his opinion.”
For a moment, I looked at her wide-eyed at her unexpected remark before a sound I hadn’t heard in a very long time boomed around us.
I laughed.
I laughed and this time it was genuine.
It came deep from within my chest and I felt a sudden rush of warmth spread across my limbs.
I was laughing and it felt freeing.
Amalia’s laughter bubbled up, the sound of our laughter mingling in the room.
My laughter faded and when she leaned in to kiss me, I basked in the happiness I felt with her in my arms and the feeling that we’d be all right.
I had my girl back and no matter what obstacles we’d go through, I knew deep down we’d overcome them and make it work.
CHAPTER 22
