Page 59 of Wishing for Christmas
He raised his eyebrows at her. “Oh, yeah, about what exactly?”
“That I do need experience in the operations side of running a hotel before I become a general manager.”
“Well, I thought I’d given you that?—”
She lifted her hand to interrupt. “But I want to get that on my own. I’m going to leave the Darlington.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “Oh, to go where?”
“Another property, maybe. Or another career entirely—who knows?”
“And do what?”
“Anything I want,” she said. “I’m capable of it, after all.”
Matthew seemed to be processing what she was telling him. He looked at her with interest, as if he was trying to gauge whether she was serious or not. Finally, he let out a resigned huff of air and walked back over to her by the fire and sat down. Hecrossed his leg over his knee and sat back in his chair. He didn’t say anything for a while. He looked around again at the lobby, assessing the situation. He looked directly at her, a sincere smile beginning to replace the suspicion as he blew a stream of air through his lips. Finally, he spoke.
“Well, Clara, I have to admit, I am impressed. You’ve certainly surprised me here. Everything looks like it’s completely under control.”
She sipped on her coffee, a surge of excitement hidden behind a calm smile.
Matthew’s gaze continued to linger on her eyes as if he was deep in thought.
She looked away.
“You know, I’ve been thinking about us lately.” He smiled.
Her eyes shot open. “Us?”
He uncrossed his legs and leaned forward in his chair. “Yeah. I mean, maybe we should give things another try. What do you think?”
Clara nearly spit out her coffee. She thought about how many times she had heard those words from him over the years. How every time she would believe them—because she wanted to believe them—only to end up hurt again.
Wasn’t it just like him to choose a moment like now to throw this at her? Right when everything was beginning to feel under control. Just when she knew exactly what she wanted in life—andwhoshe wanted.
Clara wondered why she had wasted so much time with him over the years. She could see he wasn’t good for her, that he never had been. Matthew seemed to look down on her in a way she’d never truly noticed before. Or perhaps she had, but didn’t want to acknowledge it. Why had she spent so much of her time chasing after his approval anyway?
She supposed the honest answer was that she hadn’t believed enough in her own abilities. She had always felt she needed Matthew in order to accomplish anything big. The simplest answer, though, was that the relationship was easy. Matthew was there, day in and day out. It had been too easy to stay in a relationship with him and too difficult to get out of one.
It was more complicated than that, though. When they first met, Matthew had been a great boyfriend. Attentive and kind, he genuinely seemed to want to impress her and to please her. That was until he’d had her for a while. Several years and many breakups later, Clara supposed he started taking her for granted. Maybe she had made the relationship too easy on him by always going along with whatever he’d wanted her to do.
Perhaps having to work hard for something, especially a relationship, made someone appreciate it more. Maybe enduring hardship for what you really wanted was a necessary part of life. Perhaps without that, you can never know how much you value it. It made sense after all. Look at Brent; he had put a ton of work into their relationship over the past year, and he seemed to be more in love with her than Matthew had ever been. Yes, Brent did seem to adore her, didn’t he? She smiled just thinking about it.
Well, this time was different. It was the easiest decision Clara would ever have to make.
“Definitely not, Matthew.”
“Oh.” He looked as if he’d been punched in the gut.
She let out a sigh. “It’s time I move on from you—for good.”
He seemed slightly stunned, slowly beginning to drop his eyes to his lap. He appeared to be hurt. Clara suddenly realized this could be the first time she’d ever been the one to hurthim. The first time she’d ever had any sense of control in the relationship at all. In a moment of pity, she took him gently bythe hand. If there was anyone who could understand how this felt, it was her.
She softened. “The truth is, Matthew, that I’m in a relationship now that makes me happier than ever.”
He scoffed. “Oh, you mean the guy who hasn’t been around at all. TheTop Gunpilot who took off and left you for an entire year. That guy? Meanwhile, I’ve been the one here for you, day in and day out.”
Clara paused, finally looking at him through entirely different eyes than she ever had before. “Matthew, this is goodbye for us.” She paused again, giving his hand a squeeze. “But I do appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Really.”
