Page 64 of Back to You
Anna wasn’t buying it. She stepped closer, tilting her head slightly, eyes narrowing. “Where the hell is Sebastian? I’m surprised he isn’t here taking care of you. Did he go to get some food or something?”
The air in the room shifted. I shook my head, not meeting her gaze. “No, he’s not out getting food. He’s not here because I didn’t call him.”
Silence. Then—“Why not?”
I busied myself with my mug, stirring nothing. “Because I don’t need to.”
Anna’s voice was softer now. “Mari…”
I sighed, setting my mug down with a soft clink. “I just… I don’t want to rely on him for everything. I can handle this on my own, I’ve been doing it since I was diagnosed.” I hesitated, my fingers tracing the rim of the mug. “I don’t want to feel like I’m becoming a burden.”
“Yeah, and how’s that working out for you?” she shot back, voice edged with frustration.
I scowled. “I don’t need a lecture.”
“No,” she said, crossing her arms. “You need someone to tell you that you’re being stupid.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Excuse me?”
Anna huffed. “Mariana, come on. You’re doing that thing again. The “push everyone away, suffer in silence, I can do it all by myself” bullshit. You’re not fine. You shouldn’t have to be fine all the time. That’s why people love you. That’s why Sebastian loves you.”
My stomach clenched.
She sighed, rubbing her forehead. “I’m not saying you’re weak. I’m saying you’re allowed to need people.”
I swallowed, staring at the mug between my hands. The truth sat heavy on my tongue, thick and unspoken. I was scared. Scared of letting myself lean on someone again. Scared of needing Sebastian too much. Scared of what would happen if I lost him.
Anna’s voice softened. “Mari, I know what happened before made you feel like you have to do everything on your own. I get it, but this isn’t that. He isn’t him .”
I shook my head. “You don’t get it.”
“Then help me understand.” Anna pleaded, leaning forward, her eyes searching mine with quiet desperation.
My chest ached, a different kind of pain now, something deeper. I opened my mouth, then closed it. I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t admit that if I lost Sebastian, it would break me.
Anna sighed, watching me carefully before grabbing the plastic bag she’d brought. “Well, too bad, because I brought you the Ajiaco from my mom, and I’m not leaving until you eat it.”
A small laugh bubbled up before I could stop it.
Anna grinned. “There she is.”
She pulled two bowls and spoons from my cabinet, poured the soup into them and handed me one. “I won’t push. But don’t shut me out, okay?”
I nodded, but deep down, the fear still sat there.
CHAPTER 27
Mariana
After Anna left, I sat curled up on the couch for a long time, knees drawn to my chest, staring at the wall, willing myself to move. My body felt too heavy, too drained to do anything but exist.
The thought of spending the whole night like this—alone, stiff, exhausted, fighting against my own body and my own damn mind felt unbearable. So I called Sebastian.
I hadn’t wanted to. I’d spent the entire day trying to convince myself I was fine, that the ache in my joints and the exhaustion sinking into my bones were just minor inconveniences. Manageable. But the second I was alone, reality hit me like a weight pressing into my chest. I wasn’t fine, and the worst part? I didn’t want to be alone, and that scared me more than the pain.
So I called him. I barely had to say the words. He heard it in my voice.
“I’m coming.” That was it. No hesitation.
