Page 71 of Back to You
Hey baby, are you awake?
A few minutes passed. Then -
Mariana
Yeah. Just tired.
I hesitated. Then -
Sebastian
How’s your mom today? Do you want some company?
A long pause. Long enough for doubt to creep in.
I stared at my phone, waiting for the typing bubble that never appeared. Mariana was leaving me on read. Fuck.
The pit in my stomach grew. My grip tightened around the phone, jaw clenching. This wasn’t just being busy. This was distance. And I felt it like a punch to the gut.
I exhaled sharply, shoving my phone onto the passenger seat. Waiting around wouldn’t change anything. I need to just respect Mariana’s needs. I pulled the car into drive and left, the pit in my stomach growing with every mile.
CHAPTER 30
Mariana
The house was dark when I stepped inside, the faint glow of the streetlights seeping through the blinds. I didn’t bother turning on the overhead light.
The silence was thick, settling around me like a second skin as I dropped my bag by the door and toed off my shoes. I should feel better, lighter. I had gone to see my mom. I had gone to see my dad. I had whispered the things I hadn’t been able to say out loud in a long time. But instead of comfort, all I felt was exhaustion.
I exhaled slowly, my fingers trailing over the counter as I walked into the kitchen. The weight in my chest was suffocating, pressing down like an ache I couldn’t quite shake. I reached for the bottle of wine sitting unopened near the sink, my hands moving on autopilot as I pulled a glass from the cabinet.
I should call Sebastian; he texted me earlier. Checking in, asking about my mom, but I ignored it. Not because I didn’t want to talk to him. But because I did. God, I really did. But talking to him meant letting him see this side of me. That part that was breaking. The part that wasn’t strong enough to hold everything together.
I poured the wine, watching as the deep red liquid sloshed into the glass. I took a sip, letting the warmth settle into my stomach, but it didn’t do anything to drown out the thoughts.
I glanced at my phone, the screen dimly lit with his last message asking if I wanted some company. I sent a quick reply.
Mariana
Not tonight.
I stared at the words. Distant. A knot formed in my stomach. He would answer soon. He always did. And when he did, he’d be patient, kind—more than what I probably deserved.
I took another sip of wine, gripping the stem of the glass a little tighter. I walked over to my bedroom, trailing my fingers along the dresser as I passed it.
My eyes landed on the framed photo sitting there—one of my parents, arms wrapped around each other, smiling like they had the whole world ahead of them.
Papi would have loved that Sebastian and I were back together. He would have told me that life was too short to let fear keep me from something good, and that I was a fool if I didn’t hold on.
But guess what? Papi was gone, and soon, Mami would be too.
And if losing them was this unbearable, if grieving them made my chest feel like it was caving in, then how the hell was I supposed to let Sebastian into that same space? How the hell was I supposed to survive another loss?
I swallowed hard and looked away from the picture, blinking back the sting in my eyes. I climbed into bed, pulling the blankets over me, willing myself to just sleep. But all I could think about was the weight of my phone on the nightstand. The short text I sent to Sebastian, pushing him away.
The space in my bed that suddenly felt too empty. Why didn’t I just let him come over? Why is it so hard to just let him be here for me? Why am I so broken?
CHAPTER 31
