Page 36 of Not For Keeps
And that’s the moment Mateo reaches for me. His arm slides around my waist like it’s something he does every day, and then he pulls me flush against him, Maya still in his other arm.
My breath catches. I don’t even have time to reach before the camera clicks. Once. Twice. Rapid fire.
I manage a smile, but my heart’s racing.
He leans in, close to my ear, voice low and teasing, “You’re smiling.”
“I’m being held hostage.”
“You feel pretty relaxed for a hostage.”
“I hate it.”
“You love it.”
Maya giggles in his arms and kisses his cheek. “This is the best day ever.”
After a very good, but very long day, Maya is fast asleep in her bed.
She didn’t even make it through her nightly bedtime story. One second, she was curled under her princess quilt, and the next, her eyes were fluttering closed mid-sentence. I finished the book anyway—out loud, like I always do—even if she wasn’t awake to hear it. I’m not sure why. I guess I want to soak in every second of her, this small, as much as I can.
I kiss the top of her head before slipping out of her room,closing the door behind me with that soft, careful quiet only moms can master. Everyone knows that trying to keep your child asleep, and in their own bed, is like gently placing down a bomb so that it won’t activate.
The house feels still. Peaceful.
I head into the kitchen, tug my hair into a loose bun, and lean against the counter with a glass of water, letting the silence stretch around me. The scent of fall still lingers faintly on my clothes—pumpkin, cinnamon, the worn cotton of flannel. A reminder of how good today was. Of how good it felt. Of how good it was to see Mateo with Maya. To see how good he is with me. The feel of his arm around my waist. Why did it feel like it belonged there? Why did I feel like he belonged next to me?
I shouldn’t let myself sit in that feeling for too long. I shouldn’t ponder a what-if that I know can never ever. Should never happen.
My phone buzzes on the counter. I blink down at the screen. Nico. Of course. Because he seems to have some sort of radar that goes off in his head whenever I’m happy. A radar telling him that he needs to disrupt my life, disrupt my peace.
I hesitate for a second before unlocking it.
Nico
I hope you’re having a nice night.
Analyse
What do you want, Nico?
Nico
I just want to remind you of what I said when I came back. I want you to know that I meant it. I want to fix things. I miss you, Lyse. I miss you so bad.
A second buzz. Another message.
Nico
I know I messed up. Shit. I fucked up big time. But I wantto be with you. I know that now. I know I should have never left you. Just give me a chance to prove I’ve changed.
I stare at the messages, jaw tight.
He never asks about Maya. Never asks what she likes, how her day was, what her favorite color is this week. He doesn’t know about her obsession with french fries with eggs or how she still sleeps with the same stuffed frog she’s had since she was one. He doesn’t know how hard she cried when she accidentally stepped on an ant in our backyard, singing sana sana colita de ran to it in hopes that the magical song of healing would resurrect it.
He doesn’t know a damn thing. He spent one day with her since he’s been back. He saw her for fifteen minutes after the Fall Festival’s pie-eating contest. Then he went ghost. Again.
He isn’t here for her. He’s here for me. He wants me. He thinks I’m a prize for him to win, but he doesn’t realize that she is everything. She’s the goddamn prize. She’s gold. She’s sunshine. She’s joy, happiness, and love.
