Page 91 of Not For Keeps
I don’t say anything. I just wait for her to let it all out.
She sets down the last mug and finally turns toward me, tears beginning to slip from her lashes. She folds in on herself, body curling inward as she breaks down in front of me. I’m there in an instant, pulling her into my arms. Her hands clutch at my hoodie as she sobs into my chest.
“I don’t get it,” she chokes out. “I don’t know how he could walk away from her. From this. From everything.”
“I know,” I murmur, stroking her hair, holding her close. “Iknow.”
We stay like that until her breathing slows, until the trembling eases just a little. When she finally pulls back, her face is blotchy, eyes red, and still the most beautiful woman in the world.
“Nico’s gone,” she says again, voice hollow. “So we can break up now. We’ll tell everyone we tried but realized we’re better off as friends.”
I blink. “Is that what you want, Lyse? To be just friends?”
She hesitates then says, “We were always supposed to end, Mateo. That was the deal.”
“That’s now what I asked.”
Her jaw tightens. “I’m not sure what you want me to say.”
“How about the truth?”
“I don’t know what the truth is, Mateo. I don’t know!” Her voice cracks. “I’m confused, dammit. I thought I had it figured out. I thought I knew what I was doing, and now I don’t think I know anything.”
I take a step closer. “So how about I give you a truth then, Lyse.”
She doesn’t move, doesn’t speak, she just stands there, staring. She has no idea. I’m not letting her go. Not like this. Not ever. Not unless she really doesn’t want me. Not unless she really doesn’t want us.
“I remember the first time I ever laid my eyes on you,” I say, my voice low. “You were twenty-four. Pregnant. And scared out of your damn mind on how your life was about to change. You walked into the firehouse like a storm—wearing this yellow sundress covered in tiny white daisies, your long curly hair was wild and frizzing from the summer heat.”
She blinks fast, her lips parting, like she remembers too.
“You came in with fire in your eyes, demanding that Seb take you to the next town over because you were craving candied apples. You didn’t even say hi to the rest of us…you were on a mission.” I huff a quiet laugh. “Everyone else thought it was funny. I couldn’t stop staring.”
I pause, just for a second, my voice catching before I go on.
“You looked…tired. Overwhelmed. But underneath it all, you radiated something I didn’t have words for yet. You were scared—anyone could see it—but what I saw first, what hit me like a punch to the chest, was your strength. How sure you were that even if you had to do it all alone, you were still going to do it.”
Her arms fold over her chest, holding herself together.
“I didn’t know you, not yet, but something about you pulled at me. Like gravity. You were this force, Lyse. A magnet. And I felt it from the jump. I felt it in my gut. That I needed to know you. That I wanted to be near you, even if I didn’t understand why.”
She looks down, a tear falling before she can swipe it away.
“And from that moment on, I made a choice—even if I didn’t realize it then—that I would show up for you in whatever way I could. However you needed. Because even when you were a stranger in a sundress with nothing but fierce words and tired eyes, I knew you mattered. I didn’t have all the details. I didn’t need them. I just knew.”
I take another step, slowly, not wanting to spook her.
“I didn’t know what it meant then, but I know now. I know that I was meant to love you. I was meant to love both of you. I’ve spent every day since getting closer to that truth.”
“Mateo…”
“No. Let me finish.”
She goes quiet again, tears slipping down her cheeks.
“I don’t care how scared you are, how many walls you try to build, or how hard you try to push me away—I’m not going anywhere. You can tell yourself this is temporary, that we were always meant to be some short-lived thing, but you and I both know that’s not true. I know you feel the same wayI do, even if it terrifies you. Even if saying it out loud makes it more real than you’re ready for.”
I take a breath, steadying my voice. “What we have, this thing between us, it’s not perfect. It’s messy. It’s layered with history and heartache and baggage neither of us asked for. But it’s real. God, Lyse, it’s so real. And it’s ours. You feel it. I know you do.”
