Page 93 of Not For Keeps
Nico’s goodbye…it wasn’t even a real one. It was a tantrum. He never came for Maya. Not really. He came because he thought he still had a shot at me. And when he realized he didn’t, when he saw Mateo standing there, in my kitchen, with love in his eyes, he left.
And now I’m left with the aftermath. Left with the broken pieces of a little girl who’s going to start asking questions I’m not sure how to answer.
Where’s my dad?
Why did he leave?
Did he not want me?
And worst of all:Was it my fault?
I wrap my arounds myself tightly, my fingernails digging into the sleeves of my sweater. I’ve spent Maya’s whole life trying to protect her from that kind of pain. From that kind of abandonment. It was easier before she met him; I was all sheever knew. Now she’s older. Now she knows who he is. And now I can’t stop the pain that comes with his departure.
And then there’s Mateo. The truth is, I trust Mateo. I do. I trust him with myself in ways I didn’t think I’d ever trust anyone again. But this is bigger than me. It’s her, too. I press the heel of my palm into my chest, trying to steady my breath. I think of Mateo’s hand, steady on my face.
“So go ahead. Build your walls. Push me away. Slam every door you think you need to. I’ll still be here. Every time. I’ll keep showing up. Until the day you let yourself believe what I already know.
“I’ll be back, chula. I’ll always come back.”
I want to believe him so badly. But the last time I believed someone’s promise, it wasn’t just my heart that shattered—it was Maya’s future that got rewritten. The consequences of my trust don’t fall on just me anymore. And maybe that’s what’s really breaking me.
Because even though every instinct is telling me to run, to shut it all down, to build walls so high no one can get in…I don’t want to. I want Mateo. I want him to keep showing up. But I’m terrified that wanting him will one day hurt Maya. And I don’t know if I could survive that kind of regret. I don’t know if I could ever forgive myself.
I grab my phone from the nightstand and unlock the screen. I open the group chat and fire off a message.
Analyse
Can we met up?
The three dots appear instantly.
Mari
Oh my god, Lyse. I’m so glad you reached out. I hope you’re okay. Absolutely, I’m free.
Anna
Here for you, babe! Name the time and I’ll be there.
I swallow the lump in my throat, blinking against the sting in my eyes. I don’t know what I’m going to say. But I need them. I need my girls.
Analyse
The Rolling Pin? In an hour? I’ll get a sitter for Maya.
Mari
Done. Love you.
Anna
We’ve got you. Always.
I walk into The Rolling Pin and immediately inhale the comforting scent of pastelillos, warm sugar, and fresh coffee. Mari looks up from the corner booth, already standing before I can blink. Anna’s beside her, both of them bundled in thick winter sweaters. Mari rushes toward me and wraps her arms around me so tightly that my knees nearly buckle.
“I’ve got you,” she whispers into my hair.
My throat burns. I nod, but I can’t speak.
