Page 41 of From the Ashes
“I’m visiting Ash's mother at the nursing home this afternoon. It’s gonna be tough for him and I know that’s his favorite candy, so.” Wow. Carter isn’t just a gentleman with me. He is also a good friend.
“That’s really thoughtful of you,” I mutter, struggling to understand how such a walking contradiction can exist in our world. Cold yet warm. Rough yet gentle. He shrugs before stepping to the door, my heart pumping hard under my chest as if I was afraid of never seeing him again.
“Thank you for the pancakes and the movie. I had a great time with you, sweetness. You made my day,” he says blankly, his tall figure towering over me.
“Thank you for coming,” I murmur, feeling small all of a sudden. His hand rises and lands on my cheek, cupping it gently.
“We could train again next week, if you want. I could show you more defense tactics,” he offers, his voice breathy, oddly uneven. A self-defense class? Again? I’d like that. A lot. Even if my motives have slightly changed. Learning to defend myself is one thing. Getting on a mat with Carter is definitely another, and I hate to admit that it overtakes the first reason.
“Yes, that’d be great. How ‘bout Friday night?”
He swallows. “I’ll come pick you up at seven.”
“It’s a date.” I blush as he strokes my skin with his thumb.
“It is,” he grunts, and the sound of his deep voice shakes me to my core.
“Can I kiss you one more time? I need my fix before next week,” he states, like he’s just talking about the weather. I nod, unable to find my words.
And then he kisses me. Only this time it’s less gentle than it was an hour ago. His lips devour mine with strength, taking control over me and letting my body weaken at his intensity. It only lasts a few seconds, but it’s enough to leave me panting at my front door while I watch, speechless, as Carter walks to his bike after murmuring to my ear, “See you soon, sweetness.”
Carter, what are you doing to me?
11
CARTER
“And how didyou feel when she mentioned him, her violent ex-husband?” Dr. Parks asks, his notebook resting on his knees as we sit across from each other on the sofas in his office. He used to come to the club’s basement before, but now I prefer coming here; it’s less distracting. I used to spot the dry patches of blood on the concrete floor, and it would make it hard to focus on our conversation. Here it’s neutral. A large office looking like what I imagine the inside of an English cottage looks like. Heavy floral drapes, wood furniture, dim lights, checkered plaid, and even a fireplace. Dr. Parks fits well here with his white bear and brown wool sweater. The contrast between us couldn’t be wider.
“How did I feel?” I reply, arching a brow. Feeling isn’t my strong suit, and even with years of therapy, I struggle to recognize them, supposing I’m capable of having any.
“You can feel Carter. It’s more a matter of accepting it than recognising it.”
“I felt…” I swallow, furrowing my brows and trying Goddamn hard to recognize the symptoms of my body when she talked about her ex. My hands clenched and my jaw tightened. “I was angry.”
“It’s understandable.”
I run a hand through my blond hair. “Maybe I was more than angry.”
“How so?”
“When she mentioned him, I immediately pictured him hanging from the basement ceiling, his tongue and hands on the floor. His eyeballs were removed and laying on the concrete too. That’s the first thing that came to my mind. Figured why would a coward like him be allowed to still touch her when he had hurt her with his hands, still talk when he had threatened her with his words. And the eyes… Why would I let him see her beauty and strength ever again after all the damage he had done? He doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve her,” I explain, crossing my arms and laying back in the plush brown armchair.
“I see,” Dr. Parks rubs his chin, “and now that you’ve said all those things out loud, Carter, what do you think about those words?”
“About torturing him?” He nods, unflinching after years of listening to my twisted and sick mind.
“I knew from the moment I pictured it that it wasn’t right.” Resting my elbows on my thighs and watching between my leather boots. I sigh. “He’s a father. And I have no right to do this. He isn’t from our world, nor an enemy of the club. If he was, then he’d be taken care of already, but…I guess it’s up to Lana, if she’s ready one day, to file a complaint against him and let justice handle him.” I nod to myself even if every fiber of my being tells me to end him myself. This isn’t my fight. And there’s nothing worse than stealing somebody else’s healing journey just ‘cause I have no restraints.
Dr. Parks tilts his head, unfazed, his pen poised over the paper. “So…you’re protective of her?”
Doesn’t seem like a strong enough word, but I nod.
“Why? There’s many women out there, hurt in various ways. Why do you feel this way about this woman in particular?” heasks calmly, studying me. I take a long, deep breath, trying to sort through the tangled mess in my broken mind.
“Don’t know why. I could tell you that I find her to be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, but it wouldn’t be the reason why I’m so protective of her. I could tell you about the way she moves, smiles, or looks at me with warmth, even when I have less emotion than a block of ice. Can’t find why exactly. She’s just, just…” I stop, stuck in my head, not knowing how to explain why my chest tightens every time I think about her and why the idea of someone hurting her makes me see red. Dr. Parks doesn’t react; he waits, like he knows there’s more if I let it breathe.
“She’s survived things I wouldn’t wish on anyone. She doesn’t see the world like most people. She doesn’t play victim. I think…that’s my favorite thing about her. She’s strong, but there’s this quiet part of her that needs protection, even if she doesn’t admit it. Not necessarily in a physical sense, more like, protection as in being present, listening, holding space for her to just…be, I guess. ” I run a hand through my hair, relaxing the tension in my shoulders. “And…she sees me, past my lack of emotion and what I used to do. And somehow she accepts it, without trying to change me to fit in her life. When I’m with her…I just feel calm, Doc. Like I’m right where I should be.”
