Page 46 of From the Ashes
“He’s with his sitter, if anything happens, she has the emergency contact, and she knows Nancy is a block away. You’re making me sound like…like I’m a bad mother,” I say between gritted teeth, trying to sound calm because I’ve never truly stood up for myself in front of him. It doesn’t come out as natural, even if it seems easy in my mind.
“Your words, not mine,” he fires back.
What an asshole.
“I have to go,” I snap, wishing to escape his bubble of abuse and going back to Carter.
“I want to see you,” he murmurs, hating that I’m slipping through his fingers. His voice is slower, softer, laced with thatfalse kindness he uses like bait. But I’m not a fool. I know better now. He doesn’t have a heart. I learned that the hard way.
“I..I’m busy,” I answer hesitantly.
“Are you… Are you with someone right now?” His tone turns sharper, harder. I clear my throat.
I hate conflict.
I hate conflict.
I hate conflict.
“I really have to go, Ben. Please, just drop it.”
“You’re fucking seeing someone. Let me guess, it’s that guy I saw at your place last time? You’re playing around with our son in your house? Are you fucking serious?” he yells at me ,and I pull the phone away from my ear to protect myself from his anger.
“What? No, I would never, how can you even say—” How can he even say that? I’m so careful with Noah, I may never find a partner again if I don’t find someone good enough to be around him.
“I’m coming tomorrow and we’re going to have a family dinner, just the three of us. I thought you needed time to think, but clearly you need me to know which way to go. I’ll be there at seven. Don’t wear something too slutty, you know I don't like that,” he spits, then hangs up.
“Wha—”
He ends the call before I can finish my sentence. He didn’t even let me refuse his invitation to my house. He didn’t give me a choice.
Don’t cry.
I stare up at the ceiling, forcing the tears back. I don’t want Carter to see me like this, like a failure. Like a woman full of words but too weak to fight her own battles. I slip into the restroom, hoping a splash of cold water on my face will do the trick.
“Are you crying?” a deep voice echoes behind me as the door clicks shut in the small space.
Carter.
“No,” I lie.
“But you have water in your eyes.” His quiet observation makes my heart clench, because only he would describe crying like that. And I love that about him. But suddenly, I don’t feel well. I just want to go back to Noah. Ben managed, in just a few words, to twist things around, make me feel guilty for hiring a sitter, for stepping out, for daring to believe I could be something more than a mom for one evening. Even though I know he’s wrong, the guilt is already rushing under my skin like lightning. I need to be with my little boy. Right now.
“It's not, I have to go. I'm… I'm sorry, I really have to go back home right now.”
“Okay. Let's go.” He nods without guilting me about my change of heart.
“I'm sorry.” I wipe a tear on my cheek.
“For what?”
“For ruining our date… I'm just sorry.”
“I can't fucking read you, sweetness,” he shakes his head, his cobalt gaze piercing mine in the mirror, “could you tell me what's going on?”
“It was Ben. He… Whatever, I just need to be home right now.” I don’t feel like talking anymore. I just want to be home.
“Is Noah safe?” he asks, brows furrowed.
