Page 34 of Rough Hands, Soft Lips
Cal couldn’t help wondering if there were more places in town he was missing out on. After all, it wasn’t the same town it had been when Owen was born. In the last five years, a number of new businesses had taken the places of old ones. Some had breathed life into previously unoccupied storefronts. And Cal had not visited any of them. Now, thanks to April, he’d been to the library, the local café, and his son had been to the neighborhood bookshop. There was so much more to Summit Falls than the hardware store and the occasional grocery run.
While he was considering and double-guessing his own past choices, the others around the table kept the conversation going. Every once in a while, Cal would be asked a question, which he would try to answer as directly as he could. Because he was in his own world, he was only partly aware of the conversation, so he didn’t want to say too much or miss something important in his answers.
Surely, though, this made him come off cold and terse again, like he had with the lady interrogating him in the café. He’d been disappointed in his own performance then and had resolved to do better. But the problem with isolating yourself in your everyday life is that you lose the chance to practice. Small talk becomes a skill you sort of lose. Cal was loathe to admit he had lost it, but it seemed he had.
Normally, he might feel some level of shame at what he perceived to be his failure, but the people around this table, including his son, seemed perfectly comfortable with his idiosyncrasies. In fact, they seemed to enjoy them. And it made sense. Nathan’s lateness, Crystal’s dry humor, and April’s absurd optimism were qualities that made them more interesting to be around. This group was like a group of misfits, and what made them misfits was what they loved most about each other.
Cal was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t been following the thread of conversation, so he was especially jarred when he heard the voice of his own son say, “She’s going to be my new mother.”
The whole table went quiet at that. If anyone had asked Cal just then, he would have insisted the whole restaurant had gone quiet. It felt like all the lights in the place had been shut off, the audience’s conversations had ended, and a spotlight had been pointed directly at him. What was he supposed to say? Outright denying that marriage was a possibility was unreasonably cruel to both April and Owen. But agreeing could turn out to be equally cruel in the long run. The only good position was not to take one, but how was he supposed to do that? Even silence felt like an answer, now that everyone seemed to be waiting for his response.
All he could think to say was a tepid, “Nothing’s impossible.” But rather than being a good middle ground to stand on, the statement seemed to abandon the middle and stand firmly and simultaneously on both sides. Cal mentally slapped his own forehead. Luckily for him, everyone else seemed to think it was a very clever joke and laughed. Only Owen narrowed his eyes, giving Cal a look that would shame the most powerful man in the world if he’d received it.
The look continued throughout dinner, even on the way home. Every time they hit a traffic light or stop sign, Cal would glance over to find his son giving him the exact same look. Clearly, Cal had said the right thing according to everyone else at the table, but given the worst possible answer according to Owen.
“Have you got something to say to me?” Cal said finally, having had enough ofthe look.
Owen folded his arms over his chest. “Why don’t you want me to have a mother?”
“That’s called a straw man, chief.”
“Huh?” Owen said, and Cal realized he should probably wait until his son was in a higher grade before getting into the rules of debate.
This whole situation was making him crazy. “Well,” Cal said, “what I mean is that isn’t true, what you said. I do want you to have a mother. But I don’t want you to get your hopes up too high. April and I have only just started getting to know each other. It would take a very long time to decide whether she’d make a good mother for you.”
Owen huffed. “No, it wouldn’t. I’ve already decided. I’m way faster than you, which means I win.”
Cal chuckled. “Not necessarily. Sometimes being slow and careful is better.” He thought a moment and concluded, “Maybe you and I ought to give building miniature models a try so we can learn the value of caution.”
“You’re being silly,” Owen said, and Cal couldn’t help wondering if he was right. “You’re just scared.”
After several minutes of silent contemplation, Cal admitted. “You’re probably right.”
“I know,” Owen said. “I think you should stop being scared already.”
For a child, the boy had easily bored his way into Cal’s heart and planted explosives to expose the truth. Though Cal had many flaws as an adult man who had suffered the things he had suffered, denial was not one of them. Once shown the truth, Cal would accept it, even if it wasn’t the best look for him personally. “You’re right,” he said to Owen, and that was the last thing he said before they got back to the cabin.
Once home, Cal helped Owen out of the truck and into the cabin. “Time to get ready for bed,” he said. “Then I’ll read you a bedtime story.”
Owen did as he was told without much fuss. He’d had a fun night and used up a good amount of mental energy. He was ready to rest. That was one of the benefits of giving his son more opportunities to socialize outside his home, Cal supposed. The used-up energy made for an easier bedtime.
After brushing his teeth and getting into his pajamas, Owen sat in bed and waited for story time. He had already picked out a book and held it in his lap expectantly. Cal sat down with himand opened the book, but the story in the book wasn’t the one he wanted to tell.
“Once upon a time,” he began, “there was a woman who was smart, beautiful, and kind all at the same time.”
Owen pouted. “That’s not the right story.”
“It is,” Cal said. “Trust me. She was amazing, and she won the love of a loyal knight. He knew he would spend his life protecting her, and he was never happier than he was when they were together. Then, one day, she got sick… and she was gone.” He choked up a bit but was determined to finish the story without allowing his grief to cloud it. “She disappeared from the world, but she left a son behind. And this little boy was as smart and handsome and kind as she was.”
Not one to play games, Owen immediately cried, “That’s me!”
Cal nodded. “Yep, that’s you. The knight loved his son more than anything in the whole world, but he was scared of losing the boy after losing his mother. He created a fortress for the two of them, and that worked well for five years. But then the knight and his son met a beautiful princess, and they both fell in love with her. The boy was brave and quickly said he wanted the princess to join their family. But the knight was afraid because he’d lost the boy’s mother, and it hurt so bad that he never wanted to feel that way again. So he waited, and he was too careful, and he took too long to tell the princess how he felt. He didn’t want to lose her, too.”
Owen looked up at his father and had no mercy. “The knight should be braver like his son. If he’s a knight, he should be brave.”
Cal sighed and ruffled Owen’s hair. “Once again, the boy is right. But bravery isn’t always as easy as making a choice. It takes time to learn, I think. The one thing I can promise you is that, from now on, I will do my very best to be brave. Is that going to work for now?”
Owen nodded. “I guess. You can have two weeks.”
