Page 30 of Rough Hands, Soft Lips
April wrapped her arms around herself. She wanted to hug him but felt it would be too forward. He didn’t seem the hugging type. “I’m so sorry,” was all she could think to say. “I can’t imagine what that was like.”
“I won’t sugarcoat it,” he said. “It was a hell I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. And it lingered, even after it was over. It lingered in my daily life. Every street corner of Summit Falls reminded me of her. The bookshop. The café. She worked at the diner in town. We were saving up to buy a house when she found out she was pregnant. But we were happy. We wanted to start a family. Our lives were on track, and it felt like nothing could go wrong.” He paused, and his voice began to waver as he spoke. “But then, of course, something did go wrong. I never trusted that feeling again—that nothing could go wrong. I never felt confident that the people I cared about would be safe. Summit Falls is just a reminder of all of it, and a reminder is the last thing I need in my life. I would never be able to forget, not even without all the reminders.”
April didn’t know what to say. She held her wine glass in both hands and stared down at it, then back up at Cal. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. “I didn’t mean to make you relive something like that.”
“You didn’t,” Cal said. “I relive it every day regardless. It’s not something you get over. Even Owen is a reminder, although he’s the best kind. He looks so much like his mother, and I see a lot of her curiosity in him.” He leaned back and appeared to relaxinto the conversation a little, which gave April some hope that it might go well. “I built this cabin and decided to live here partly so that the only reminders I had of her were the good ones. When the only reminders are due to Owen, they’re bearable, you know? And I felt like I could more easily protect him from here. It feels safer away from people I don’t trust. Does any of that make sense?” He looked at her expectantly.
“It does,” April said. “And I’m sure it’s worked for you to some degree. I wonder…” She stopped, realizing she might be overstepping.
“Go ahead,” Cal said, urging her on. “I can handle criticism.” His smile got suddenly mischievous. “I promise not to yell at you.”
She couldn’t help laughing. “Well, that’s good to know. I was thinking about how Owen will start school soon, and you’re already doing so much. Aside from me, has he ever had a babysitter?”
Cal shook his head.
“I had a feeling,” she admitted. “I have friends with kids. They’re always exhausted. When their kids go to school, they say it’s the only time they feel they can really relax. And if Owen makes friends his age, you’ll be able to befriend their parents. It gives you someone to turn to when parenting becomes too exhausting. My friends with kids all tell me they don’t know what they would have done without school giving them a bit of reprieve.”
Cal shook his head. “I don’t need a reprieve from my son.”
“Maybe not now, but he’ll be eight before you know it, and I can almost guarantee you’ll need the occasional break by then.”
“You may be right.” Cal turned to her. “Especially if I ever want to start dating again.”
April’s cheeks went hot at that. “Oh, are you… thinking of dating again?”
“For a long time, I wasn’t. I thought that part of my life was done.” He moved closer to her. “But recently, I’ve had reason to believe it isn’t.”
Was he saying what she thought he was saying? To avoid looking into his eyes, she glanced down at her watch and gasped. “Oh, no! It’s getting late. I completely lost track of time.”
Cal opened the drapes and looked out the window. “It’s dark,” he said. “You may not want to drive back in this. The road isn’t exactly well-lit.” He shook his head. “I’m going to recommend you crash here for the night.”
“Oh!” April hardly knew what to say. “I didn’t think… I mean, I don’t want to impose.”
“It’s no imposition at all.” He went to a linen closet and pulled out fresh sheets. “You can have my bed. I’ll take the couch. That way you can relax, have as much wine as you want, and we’ll make you breakfast in the morning.”
“Cal, this is too much,” she said, sure her cheeks were candy-apple red by now.
“In my opinion, it’s not enough.” He was stubborn. She could see that right away, but she also kind of loved it. “Think of it this way. I’m trying to get you in my good graces so you’ll agree to babysit again.”
“Yeah, but we both know that’s not really true,” April said. “I’d babysit either way. I adore kids, and Owen’s a lot of fun to hang out with. I mean it.”
Cal shrugged and carried the sheets into his bedroom. April listened to him work for a while before she made her way to the door to watch him. He folded the corners of the sheets like a pro, evidence of his military career, no doubt. His arm muscles strained beneath his shirt, and she imagined them holding her. She took another gulp of her wine and made a bold decision. “You don’t have to sleep on the couch if you don’t want to.”
He turned to her, and his eyes were all fire as he asked, “Do you mean that?”
She nodded, and Cal gently closed the door behind them, locking it with a soft click. “Kids, you know,” he said sheepishly.
April couldn’t stand to wait another second. She ran into his arms, and he bent down to plant a kiss on her mouth. How long had it been since she’d kissed anyone? Too long, she decided. He lifted her in his arms and carried her to his bed. April was not a particularly small woman, but Cal carried her so easily, she felt like a feather in his arms. He laid her down on his bed, letting her head drop on the pile of pillows he’d built for her.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,” he murmured. “You are so… delicious.”
His mouth was on her again as his hands worked to remove her shirt. She had already begun unbuttoning his, and he got the message quickly. They didn’t speak much. Cal was not a person who talked a whole lot, which was something April had learned about him in the short time she knew him. But it didn’t matter. They seemed to communicate just fine without the words.
It felt crazy, what she was doing. It felt like such a spontaneous decision, but that only made it more exciting to her. She could not imagine a world in which she regretted making love to Cal Nolen. She wanted him to be her everything, and right now, he definitely was.
He gripped both of her naked thighs and pulled her into him, feeling every inch of her like he would never be able to touch her again, like this was his one and only chance. He reached into his nightstand drawer and pulled out a condom, questioning April with his eyes alone. She nodded her agreement and took it from him, carefully unwrapping it to help him slip it into place. He was huge, ready, and he breathed heavily when she touched him.
Then, he was on her again, lifting her by the thighs, kissing her in all the right places. He teased her until she was more than ready, and then he took her. He seemed to lose himself after that, grinding into her with a passion she’d never experienced from another man. While her mind was still capable of thought, she wondered whether he might actually break his own bed. But she quickly lost herself, moaning quietly beneath him, letting him know she was wanting him, enjoying him, and finally well and truly satisfied by everything he was doing to her.
