Page 6 of Blow Down (The Plumber's Mate)
Look, it wasn’t like we were keeping the engagement a secret or anything.
But, well, relationships between mine and Phil’s families had never been much cop, owing (a) to the fact they’d had bugger all in common apart from sons the same age attending the same school, and (b) to a certain incident when we were seventeen, when I’d ended up under the wheels of a Chelsea tractor under circumstances that might, to some people, have looked like it was sort of Phil’s fault.
Which it wasn’t, all right? It was just one of those things. An accident. My mum and dad threatening to sue had been well out of order.
Now, all that was over a dozen years ago, and chances were Phil’s mum wasn’t still bearing a grudge or anything. But anyway, me and Phil had both agreed we weren’t in a hurry for any cosy family get-togethers.
“Oh, and she knows who you are,” Phil added. “Jase finally twigged.”
Jase hadn’t seemed to cotton on I was that Tom, when I’d first bumped into him way back in January, but I s’pose he’d had plenty of time since to remember why the name Paretski had seemed a bit familiar. “Uh, yeah, I thought he might have, the other night. You know, from the way he kept staring at my hip. You oughtta tell him, some gay blokes might take that the wrong way.”
Phil gave me a look. “You want to tell Jase it looked like he was eyeing you up? Just don’t expect me to bring you grapes when you wind up in hospital.”
“You mean you wouldn’t leap to my defence? I’m crushed.”
“Not half as crushed as you’d be if Jase really got into it with you. He used to beat the crap out of me when we were kids. Course, I reckon I could take him easy now.” He looked grimly satisfied at the prospect. Looked like he might have a few scores to settle there.
Which would really add spice to our Sunday lunch with the folks. Great.
“So were you serious about having to work, or can we go and get that drink? ’Cos I reckon I need one now.”
“Got a client coming. In about twenty minutes, so if you’re parked up back, you’ll need to shift the van.” Phil at least had the decency to look regretful.
“Yeah? What sort of case?” I hoped it wasn’t another cheating wife/husband/significant other. Phil’s inner cynic didn’t, in my considered opinion, need any more encouragement.
“Some woman claiming identity theft and refusing to pay her bills. Client reckons it was her all along.”
“What do you reckon?”
“Don’t know yet, do I? That’s what I’m supposed to be investigating—after he’s given me all the details. Anyhow, you’d better get that van shifted. Just in case he’s early. Tell you what, though—walk back up in an hour or so, and we can go out for that pint.”
“Or you could drive down and pick me up.”
“More chance of making it before closing time if you come up here, the way this bloke goes on. He spent half an hour on the phone just making the appointment.”
“Fine, I’ll come and save you from the mouthy client. Don’t worry about me having to drive home and then slog all the way back up here.” All right, it was only a five-minute walk, ten if I stopped off at Vik’s shop en route for a Mars Bar and a natter, but it’s the principle of the thing.
Phil smirked. “Help stave off the middle-age spread, won’t it?”
“Oi, I just turned thirty, not fifty!”
Unsympathetic git.
Cherry rang again that evening, just as me and Phil were getting cosy in front of the telly with the cats, having decided we couldn’t be arsed to go out after all.
“Did you go to see her?” she demanded.
I heaved myself off the sofa and walked into the kitchen so Phil could carry on goggle-boxing in peace. Merlin, the eternal optimist, padded after me to give his empty bowl a pointed look. Arthur, being a lazy sod and cynical to boot, stayed where he was, purring on Phil’s lap. “Yeah, I went. You know she only wanted me to search her stepdaughter’s room, right?”
Sis made some kind of noise that didn’t translate at all well over the phone. “Oh, I was afraid of that. Sorry.”
“Yeah, well, you might have warned me.”
“Would you have gone round if I had?”
“What do you reckon?” All right, I probably still would’ve, but no need to let Sis know that.
“Which is why I didn’t warn you. Look, I know she’s tiresome, but please just humour her. For my sake?”
