Page 66 of Pressure Head
“Oh?” Dave’s voice went sharp. “Hear about what?”
He wasn’t looking at Constable Kid. He was looking straight at me.
“Er, well, there’s been another incident.”
“Another murder?” My voice cracked. Was this what Merry had meant about stuff he had to take care of? Oh God.
“Well?” Dave demanded.
The kid swallowed. “They found the Reverend Lewis dead in the vicarage this morning.”
An ice-cold pain shot through my chest. “Merry’s dead?” I asked, my voice sounding like it was coming from another room. I wondered why they were looking at me strangely.
“How?” Dave barked.
“Hanged himself, it looks like, sir.”
“Suicide?” My voice was a croak. Oh God. He’d killed himself after speaking to me. That meant it was my fault, didn’t it? “I thought he was feeling better . . . Oh God.”
It shouldn’t have hit me so hard, I suppose. I hardly knew the bloke. I hadn’t evenlikedhim.
But I’d felt sorry for him. He’d had such a crap life. The only time he’d managed to get a few kicks, he’d ended up regretting it for—fuck—the rest of his life. Bloody hell, from what Darren had said about that party, he hadn’t been in much of a state to even remember what he’d been so ashamed about. “He seemed so much happier,” I kept saying.My fault, my faultran through my head on permanent loop, and I bit my tongue to keep from blurting it out.
Dave took pity on me and got the constable to fetch me a cup of tea. I found myself wondering if he’d got a grown-up to help him with the kettle, and almost gave a really inappropriate giggle at the thought. He’d put two sugars in it, and I drank half of it down before I even noticed.
We had to go over last night’s visit again, of course. And this time, make it official, with a signed statement. I might have been the last person to see the Rev alive.My fault, my fault.
It helped, actually, going over the conversation again. Reminded me he’d already been in a right state when he’d got to my house. Maybe I hadn’t helped him like I’d meant to—but I’d done what I could. I began to breathe a bit more easily.
“Right,” Dave said at the end, leaning back in his chair with a heavy sigh. “So Lewis left you shortly before eleven, and you called me, then went straight to bed after that?”
“Um,” I said. “Sort of.”
Dave narrowed his eyes. “Want to expand on that?”
I took a deep breath. Best to get it over with. “I called Phil, and he came round and stayed the night, all right? Left just before eight.”
“Phil . . . Morrison.” Dave looked unhappy. “So you and him are . . .?”
“Um,” I said again.
“Well, are you or aren’t you? How bleedin’ hard is it to tell?”
“We slept together for the first time last night,” I said in a rush, trying to get it over with. I wasn’t feeling too happy myself about the way the conversation was going. Dave and me, we were friends—but there was a sort of unwritten rule I wouldn’t go shoving my homosexuality in his face. I’d always reckoned he was fine with me shagging blokes, just as long as he never, ever had to think about it. And I’d been okay with that. Like I said before, some things you’re better off not knowing, even about your mates.
I didn’t want to find out Dave was a bigot. I was ninety-nine percent certain that any prejudices he had were a product of his upbringing, and he was struggling to overcome them. But if I ever found out for certain they existed, well, it’d change things between us. It’d have to.
Because there was always that one percent chance he really meant them.
Dave was rubbing his face again. “Tom . . . Look, don’t take this the wrong way, all right?” He paused like he was waiting for me to cross my heart and hope to die. Just like poor old Merry. I’d got it all wrong last night. I’d reckoned he’d hoped to finally start living.
“What?” I asked a bit sharply. I wasn’t promising Dave anything.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be involved with Phil Morrison,” he said bluntly.
I stared at him. “Why?”
“You told me yourself he was a bully at school. That sort never change. Christ, Tom, he could flatten you as soon as look at you. And all right, it suits him to be nice to you right now, but sooner or later, that’s going to change.”
