Page 43 of Fool Me Twice
“Nah, I’m good.Was miles away.”Zig took a deep breath.“It means a lot to me.You accepting me, after everything.Most blokes wouldn’t.At least, not for any longer than it takes ’em to get off.”Then he wanted to kick himself, because seriously, whose side was he on?
“What, like give a dog a bad name and hang him?I told you.You done your time, and now it’s in the past.”Si squeezed his hand.
Zig’s eyes prickled weirdly as he squeezed back.“You’re all for second chances, then?”For a moment he had a crazy, wild hope: maybe Si would be willing to givethema second chance?
Should he say something?Ask Si outright if he’d be willing to try getting together again?
But then Si dropped his hand and glanced at his phone in a way that seemed somehow staged.“If you’re finished, I reckon we’d better be getting back now.Otherwise Ange won’t be giving you no second chances.”
“Right.Yeah.”Zig forced a smile.“I’ll get me coat on.”
It was probably better like this anyway.This way, nobody got hurt.
Yeah, right.
Si drove carefully along the country lanes, keeping to the speed limit despite how he wanted to open up the throttle and let the Harley roar.Zig’s arms around him were making his whole body fizz, half in pleasure and half in pain.Close as they were on the bike, he wanted to be closer.To hold him, touch him, make love to him.
He hadn’t felt like this since...since he’d been with Zig in London.
Sitting there in the pub, holding Zig’s hand, Si had comethisclose to asking him out.Suggesting they get back together properly.He hadn’t meant to.All he’d wanted was to give Zig a fun afternoon: seeing stuff from a book he liked and then going on to the Cerne Abbas giant, which was always good for a laugh.
Course, it hadn’t occurred to him until they were there that the itinerary could be seen as a bit suggestive.Not that Woolbridge was romantic, exactly, but the giant—he wasn’t so much suggesting stuff as hollering it out across the countryside.Zig had noticed, Si could tell.He’d been like Si remembered from their time in London, when it was only the two of them.He’d stood closer, touched Si more.Not in a sexual way.In a wanting-to-be-close way.
Si had wanted it too.He’d forgotten how much he loved doing stuff with Zig.Seeing him smile properly.Laughing with him.Then when they’d been in the pub, bellies full and warmed by the fire, the conversation had turned intimate.Si had gazed into those odd-coloured eyes, shining in the firelight, and he’d barely been able to stop himself.
Had he made the right decision?To back off, lose the moment?Si wasn’t sure.In fact, speeding along the road to the end of their afternoon together, he was starting to wonder if backing off had been the worst decision he’d made in his life.
Zig had changed.The old Zig would never have talked about second chances with a tear in his eye.The old Zig would have expected all the chances as his gods-given due, and sod anyone who disagreed.Although Si hated to think of him locked up in prison, it was like it’d knocked the sharp edges off of him.Or was it down to what happened on that last robbery and the decision he’d made then?Any road, he’d grown up; they both had.Si wasn’t the naïve kid he’d been back then, believing the best of people cos he cared for them.
In so many ways, though, Zig hadn’t changed.Still the same smile, the same glint in his eye that made Si melt inside.The same leggy sprawl whenever he sat on a sofa, a bench, a barstool.The same vulnerability in his body language, although Si hadn’t recognised it as such way back when.
Si forced himself to concentrate on the road, ignoring the yearning to stop the bike and take Zig in his arms.After all, maybe that was his dick talking?For an organ that didn’t usually have a right lot to say for itself, it was being proper gabby right now.Si didn’t know what to think, and he didn’t have a clue who he could ask about it.If he went to Adam to ask if he ought to get back with Zig, he knew what sort of answer he’d get.Mum?There’d probably be pitchforks involved.Sash...She’d be less stabby, but there wasn’t much chance she’d give him her blessing either.
Esme?Now he really was clutching at straws.Shemight tell him to go ahead, but that was only cos she didn’t know about the past.
And at the end of the day, did Zig feel the same way?Si wasn’t daft, at least not more than fifty percent of the time, and he could tell Zig had been into the idea of them having a second chance.But what did that really mean for Zig?A second chance to get his end away?
No, it’d been more than that.Si had seen it in his eyes, right before he’d bottled it and said it was time to go home.He was sure of it.Then again, they’d spent that afternoon together, after a morning of Zig baring his soul and obviously expecting a bad reaction...Si felt a weight crushing him, so heavy he was surprised the Harley wasn’t sinking into the tarmac.OfcourseZig’s feelings had been intense after all that.
Give him a couple of days to get over it all and he’d probably think he’d had a lucky escape.Avoided any complications that might stop him moving on when he felt like it.Si had done the right thing.
It didn’t make him feel any better as he parked the Harley in front of the garage.Zig gave him a fake smile as he handed back his helmet, and Si’s heart clenched.
“You coming back to the flat, or are you heading straight over?”he asked, not sure what answer he wanted to hear.
“I’ll go straight on.No harm in getting there early,” Zig said, and Si realised that definitely wasn’t the answer he’d hoped for.
He nodded mechanically.“Have a good night.”
“Yeah.You too.”Zig turned to go, and Si closed his eyes for a moment in something like despair.Then a hand touched his arm, and he opened them, startled.
“Si?Thanks for this afternoon.”Zig’s expression was weirdly intent.“I mean it.And— And for everything.It means a lot.Even if...”He didn’t finish the sentence, just half laughed and shook his head.“I’ll see you tonight.”
“Yeah.Tonight,” Si said, having to clear his throat as Zig walked away.
Zig walked along the street with his hands in his pockets and his head down, the cold biting into him now that he was no longer pressed against Si.He felt chilled inside, too, and empty.It had been the perfect afternoon, right up until the end.
At least now you know where you stand, and it’s freezing your bollocks off out in the cold on your own.It ain’t gonna happen,you and Si getting back together.
