Page 66 of One Step Behind
‘No, it isn’t,’ he yelled. ‘Why are you lying to me? Tell me what happened. Was it my fault?’
The same nurse as last time rushed in, saving me from finding the words to reply. I wish I could tell him to stop trying. I wish I could tell him that there is nothing but pain in his past, and mine, and the only way to survive it is to look forward. But I’m not sure I believe that any more.
A shadow blocks the sun from my eyes and I open them, jumping as Nick’s face looms over me.
‘Nick, what are you doing here?’ My heart is a hammer, a pulsing beat. It’s Matthew all over again, turning up in places he has no reason to be.
‘Waiting for you.’ His smile is wide but there’s something not quite right about it.
‘How did you know I was here?’
Nick shrugs. ‘Lucky guess.’
‘Nick, you did not come to the hospital in the middle of the afternoon because you thought I might be here.’
‘All right, all right,’ he holds up his hands. ‘I paired our iPhones in the Find My app. It shows me your location.’
‘What? You’ve been spying on me.’ I step back, anger and hurt battling for space inside my body. Nick’s hand whips out and takes my elbow, moving me close again.
‘I only did it the other night when you were in the shower. You know how worried I was about you when you were out running. I didn’t know where you were or what you were doing. And you never tell me where you are half the time. This way, I’ll always know and I won’t need to worry.’
‘Nick, you can’t put a tracker on me. I’m not a dog.’
He laughs for a moment before glancing at my face, his expression turning serious. ‘It’s not a big deal. Don’t make more of it than it is, OK? Part of our jobs is to go meet people in their homes and while most people are normal, there are a few crackers out there. This way if anything happens to you then I’ll know where you are and can come rescue you.’
‘I don’t need rescuing.’I need space, I add in my head. I can’t believe Nick has done this.
‘Look,’ he says, steering me away from a group of nurses walking towards us. ‘If you’re not cheating on me then you’ve got nothing to hide, have you? And so it doesn’t matter if I know where you are.’
‘I’m not cheating on you.’
‘There you go then. So it doesn’t matter.’
I glance at Nick from the corner of my eye as we walk towards the car park. He’s smiling. He’s feeling good. He knows he’s won. And it hits me – a smack to the back of my head – I’m dating a man exactly like my brother. I can’t believe I’ve never seen it before. Sure, they have different ways of showing it, but both of them cross the line when it comes to being protective of me. Both of them have dark moods that scare me to my core. Both of them want to control me.
The more I think about it, the more the world around me seems to shrink. Am I really that messed up?
‘Come on, let’s pop into Waitrose and get some food. Neither of us have clients until tomorrow.’
I had other plans, I want to scream at Nick. I was going to run until I was too tired to think, but I’m too much of a coward to say anything. Instead I try to convince myself that what Nick has done is no big deal. So what if he can see where I am. I can always turn my phone off if I really want to.
‘And next time you decide to visit Matthew, tell me, OK? I want to come with you and be there for you.’
We reach Nick’s black VW Golf and he opens the passenger door for me. Just as I’m about to climb in, he pushes the door against me, trapping me between the door and the car. I can’t get in and I can’t move away. ‘Oh, I forgot to ask you,’ Nick says, his voice casual. ‘Have you spoken to that detective yet?’
I shake my head. ‘No, not yet. Can you move please? The door is hurting me.’
He pulls it back a fraction but not enough for me to move. ‘They want me to go down to the station tomorrow to answer more questions. They’ve got me on CCTV in town just before it happened.’
‘But you said you were at home?’
‘I know,’ he says and for the first time I see the panic settling over him. ‘I’m going to have to backtrack on that. I’ll say I forgot that I popped out. Where were you? Can we say we met up?’
‘What? Nick? If they’ve got you on camera then you can’t lie.’
‘I know, I know.’ His free hand smashes against the roof of the car. I feel the vibration of it against my back and try to shrink away from him, but I’m still stuck.
‘I’ll say whatever you want me to say,’ I whisper. ‘We’ll work it out.’
