Page 86 of One Step Behind
Hurt spreads through my chest and my thoughts darken like the clouds outside.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Christie says. ‘Did I do the right thing telling you? Jason told me I shouldn’t interfere, but I couldn’t bear it. It’ll be all round the school now and I wanted you to hear it from a friend.’
‘Thank you,’ I manage to say through the rock cutting into my throat. ‘I mean it, Christie. Thanks.’
‘Do you think … Will you tell Rachel’s husband?’ Her voice is so soft, almost a whisper, but she’s staringat my face with such wide, watery eyes that it makes me wonder if Rachel put her up to this.
An image of Stuart and Rachel kissing punches through my thoughts. He wouldn’t do that to me, a voice whispers. I shut it down, picturing instead the way Bradley jabbed his finger at me last week when he accused me of harassing Rachel. But it’s not his ugly scowl I’m thinking of, it’s the look of horror on Stuart’s face when Bradley approached us and his desperation not to make a scene. At the time I put it down to Stuart being Stuart, dodging confrontation, but now I think about his reaction, and Rachel’s pale face in the car, refusing to look our way. I wonder if they were both in panic mode. Stuart because he thought Rachel had told her husband about them, and Rachel because she thought I knew and was going to tell Bradley.
Christie says something but I’m not listening.
‘Sorry?’ I say.
‘I said if you need me to have Beth and Archie at any point, you know I will, don’t you? I love them like my own. And Niamh thinks of them like a brother and sister. Honestly, I’ll take them anytime, day or night. Do you want me to collect them for you after school? In case it’s too hard to face people in the playground?’
The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. My cheeks burn thinking of the looks from this morning. Now I know why.
‘I’ll be fine,’ I say, standing up. ‘They’ve got a dentist appointment this afternoon. I’ll be collecting them early.’
For a moment my knees feel as though they might buckle, the weight of the truth too much to bear. Christie must see it as she reaches out and hugs me.
The tears fall. Great heaving sobs rolling down my face and soaking into the shoulder of Christie’s t-shirt.
‘There, there, let it all out,’ she says, patting my back, and I feel the warmth of her care, the same she’s given to Beth and Archie for so many years now, and I reach out and hug her back.
‘I’m sorry for being such a mess,’ I sniff, pulling away.
‘You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I’m here for you, OK? Whatever you or Beth and Archie need.’
‘Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.’
A smile lights Christie’s face and she kisses my cheek before I open the front door and walk into the oppressive heat.
A part of me wishes she hadn’t told me, and another part of me doesn’t want to believe it, but I know she’s telling the truth and now I have to deal with it.
Chapter 51
Jenna
I walk home from Christie’s house lost in thoughts of Stuart and Rachel and how blind I’ve been. As I near the house something pink catches in the corner of my vision.
My head turns and I see the flower – a single pink carnation tucked under the windscreen wiper of my car, its baby-pink petals squished between the wiper and the glass.
My skin tickles in the warm wind now whipping through the trees and I shudder, my eyes roaming every space between the cars, looking for the eyes that I’m sure are watching me.
Two more steps and I see more pink petals scattering the pavement too.
Stuart’s car is parked outside the house and I wonder why he’s home. Then I reach the doorstep and stop dead. Shredded pink carnations fill my doorstep like confetti. There must be a hundred flowers here. And lying beside them is Archie’s dark-green book bag he lost all those weeks ago.
The book bag is open. There are no books inside any more, but sticking out of it are three plastic dolls.
The first one is like all the other red-haired dolls you’ve left me. The face of this one has been melted into a gloop. But it’s the other two dolls that I can’t tear my eyes away from. One has long orange hair and the other is a boy doll with brown hair. They’re both wearing a tiny green school uniform.
Beth and Archie.
There’s something else too, nestled to one side, half buried in flowers. It’s only when I step closer that I recognize my diary. What’s left of it, anyway. The pages have been completely destroyed, burnt to nothing in a charred mess.
A feverish panic presses at me from every direction. My head whips around, back to the street. ‘Who’s doing this to me?’ I scream out as my eyes dart one way then the other. I see no one.
