Page 26 of One Step Behind
I do as I’m told and finish the drink in four long gulps, like it’s a bushtucker trial onI’m A Celebrity, and will myself not to gag.
‘Who was calling you?’
‘It was Trevor, my mum’s partner. Matthew’s been hit by a bus. He’s in a coma in intensive care.’ Tears well in my eyes. How could I have let this happen?
‘Bloody hell,’ Nick says, wrapping an arm around me. He pulls me close and I can’t stop my body tensing, like there’s a pillow over my face and I can’t breathe.
‘I need to see him.’ I try to stand but Nick’s strength holds me back.
‘You can’t right now. It’s late. They won’t let you in. My granddad was in intensive care last year, remember? They’re really strict with visiting hours.’
I sink back. Whether Nick is right or not, I know I’m not going anywhere tonight.
‘We’ll go together tomorrow or Saturday. You’ll need my support. Besides, if he’s in a coma, he won’t know if you’re there or not.’
I hold my head in my hands. My ponytail drops forward, the bonds of the extensions tugging at my hairline, and it’s all I can do not to rush to the kitchen for a pair of scissors and cut them off.
‘This is my fault,’ I whisper.
‘Yeah, right. Matthew was a nut job, Sophie.’
I lift my face to look at Nick. ‘He’s not dead,’ I cry out.
‘Fine. Matthewisa nut job. This isn’t your fault.’
‘He’s not crazy.’
‘What is he, then? Because he sure ain’t normal.’
‘He’s just different. He doesn’t feel the need to be a certain way for anyone. He’s just himself, all of the time. If he doesn’t want to talk, he doesn’t. If he doesn’t want to be somewhere, he leaves. For the first five years of his life, Matthew was in and out of foster care or being shipped from one relative who didn’t want him to another. When he came to live with us, he didn’t know what love was, or what was normal or not. My mum coaxed him out of his shell, but … after what happened’ – I sigh, the hurt cutting into my body – ‘I think it’s just easier for him to be the way he is.’
‘And are you ever going to tell me what exactly did happen?’
‘It’s not important.’ It is, but I can’t talk about it now. Or ever. Memories push forward, jostling with each other to be free, and I shut them down.
‘Whatever you say, babe.’ Nick cocks an eyebrow. He’s pissed off I won’t tell him, but on this one thing, I don’t care.
I’m not sure why I’m trying to defend Matthew. There’s a part of me that thinks Nick has a point, especially recently. Matthew has always kept to himself. Taking his photos and working at the restaurant. About once a month, sometimes more but never less, we’d meet for a coffee or he’d offer to cook something for me. I don’t know when exactly it changed, but there’s been a darkness hovering over Matthew these last few months. He’s taken to waiting for me outside the flat or bumping into me on the street. The questions he asks me, the looks he gives – there’s an intensity to it, like he’s trying to be my protector.
Maybe if I’d tried to understand instead of avoiding him, he wouldn’t be in hospital right now. The thought feels like a physical punch to my insides.
‘Let’s go to bed. It’s late and we’ve both got back-to-back clients tomorrow.’
I open my mouth to tell him I can’t sleep right now, but Nick is already standing, his strong arms pulling me up from the sofa with ease. Instead, I slip into my gleaming white bathroom and stand under the shower until my fingertips wrinkle.
‘I’ll never give up on him and you shouldn’t either.’
But you did, Mum.
Chapter 14
Saturday, 15 June
Jenna
‘Are you sure you’re OK to take them to the party?’ Stuart asks, leaning against the archway into the kitchen with half a sandwich in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. ‘I’m happy to do it. You didn’t sleep last night, did you?’
‘I never sleep, but I’m fine,’ I reply, ignoring the headache pulsing in my temples. ‘I want to go. Why don’t you go out on your bike?’
