Page 98 of One Step Behind
‘The good-mother routine.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Of course you don’t. That’s my point. You know, I really liked you at first. You were so kind to me the first time we met. And you looked so much like my mum that I felt this crazy connection to you. Then you told me all about Beth and Archie and I couldn’t believe it. Two children, a girl and then a boy, eight and five they were then, the same age as me and Matthew when he first came to live with us.’
‘I never told you any of that.’ Jenna shakes her head, frowning like she does when she doesn’t like something. It’s normally Stuart who makes her look like that, or the kids when they’re giving her lip, but today I guess it’s me.
‘You really don’t remember treating Nick in A&E last year, do you? I came in with him when he had his appendicitis. You were so nice to me, and you really do look just like my mum. I left you a thank-you card, and then it was like I couldn’t stay away. I kept going back to the hospital hoping to see you. And one day there you were on your way home and I had to follow you. I had to see where you lived and what your family were like.
‘I wanted to know everything about you, but then the more I saw, the more obvious it became – you don’t just look like my mum, you act like her too. Always so busy, aren’t you? You work all the time and barely see your own kids. And I knew, I just knew, it was history repeating itself. The more I watched you, the angrier I felt.’
I kick at the pile of photographs from Matthew’s bedroom that are now covering the carpet and find the one I’m looking for. I reach down to pluck it from the pile, staring at the fear on Jenna’s face. ‘See here?’I say, holding the photo up and showing it to Jenna. ‘Matthew is such a freak with his photos, isn’t he? He takes photos of everything.’ I wave the bat over the pile. ‘And I mean everything. Just look at this one of you, here. Can you see me in the background in the cap and gym kit?’ I toss the photo to Jenna but she doesn’t try to grab it.
‘You never saw me, did you? I was a lot better at blending in than Matthew was, obviously. He did me a favour really. You’ve spent the last few months so busy looking for him that it made it a lot easier for me to watch you. That’s what I mean. You’re just so focused on yourself. No one else matters, do they? Certainly not Beth and Archie.’
‘Sophie, please. I love my children. Whatever this is, let them go,’ Jenna begs. Her voice is trembling and I feel her hurt. Am I really going through with this? I’ve wanted this fresh start for so long, but now that I’m here it doesn’t feel like I thought it would.
‘I just want to do it right this time. A different ending,’ I say.
I grip the bat tighter in my hand and screw up my courage. I will not be a coward any more. I will not let people push me around any more. I’m here now. It’s time to rewrite the past. Any minute now and she’ll see what I’ve done.
‘This is insane. You have to let us go,’ Rachel sobs.
Jenna moves then. A step to the right. I eye her carefully and see the thought running through her head, and the emotions playing on her face – hope then disappointment. She’s wondering if she can get past me to the door. She can’t.
‘You know what, Jenna, for a doctor, you really are quite dense. I really thought you’d recognize me whenI came to see Matthew in the hospital and you were there. I was properly freaking out.
‘Have you worked it out yet? Matthew wasn’t even following you, you see that now, right? He figured out what I was doing and started checking up on me, taking his stupid photos. Back in May, wasn’t it? I’ll admit it shook me up seeing him and knowing he knew what I was doing. I tried to stop, to go back to a time before you. I even managed it for a week, but in the end I had to see you again.’ The moment the words are out, I realize how much I’m going to miss watching Jenna.
I suddenly remember Matthew’s phone in my pocket and pull it out. Jenna’s mouth drops open.
‘Sorry, have you been looking for this?’ A thrill – a buzz of nervous energy – shoots through me and I smile. It really shouldn’t matter now, but it feels good to get one up on Jenna and the police. ‘I had to take it. Matthew recorded our chat, you see.’
There’s no reason to listen to it, except to kill time, and that’s all I’ve got left. I open up the recording and a second later the noise of traffic crackles in the speaker.
‘Sophie.’ Matthew’s voice echoes out so clear that for a moment if feels like he’s in the room. ‘We need to talk.’
‘I can’t right now. I’m right in the middle of something.’
‘Following that doctor, you mean?’
There’s a silence. In the background, the sound of a bus rushes by.
‘Whatever.’
‘I know she looks like Mum, but she isn’t.’
‘I know that.’ My reply is sharp and I feel the sameanger now as I did then. Matthew was standing in my way, stopping me from getting to Jenna.
‘What are you planning to do?’
‘Nothing. I just like watching her, that’s all.’
‘You’re lying. I know you too well.’
‘So what if I am? What are you going to do about it?’ I remember the way my heart pounded through my whole head and how trapped I felt with Matthew standing over me, but his voice as it carries into the room is strong.
‘What I should’ve done twelve years ago. Tell the truth.’ The noise of the road grows louder and I picture him holding up his phone to me. ‘I’ve recorded everything. I’m going to the police right now before someone gets hurt.’
